Before We Grow Up
by oneoneohohone
Summary: the bsc has gone their seperate ways, but two weeks in sea city after graduation is something none of them want to turn down... no matter how different things may be. complete!
1. Chapter 1

_disclaimer:_ characters not mine. ms. martin owns them. most of them :)

_a/n: _i wrote this a loooong time ago, so if some of the story lines seem off it's because i wrote this before things like mallory left for riverbend and mary anne's house burned down... i wrote this in MY bsc world :)

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One.

_Mary Anne_

I look at my watch.

I smooth my hair.

I adjust my bookbag on my shoulder.

I look at my watch again.

Jesus. Where is this girl?

From about five feet away, I hear Dawn sigh loudly. I ignore her.

I look at my watch again.

"Mary Anne I want to i go. /i " Dawn says in her usual whiney way.

"Calm down. Start walking if you don't want to wait." I snapped back at her. I have no patience with my step-sister these days. Other than occasionally running into eachother at home and the ride to and from school, I pretty much ignore her. From what I gather, the feeling is mutual. She's whining because we are standing at my locker and school ended 10 minutes ago. Dawn doesn't have her license and I am her only chance for a ride.

Dawn doesn't respond - she never does. She just sighs again and crosses her arms across her chest.

"Mary Anne!"

I spin around and here she comes. Petite, long bleached blonde hair, heavy makeup, short skirt. It still amazes me how much Kristy Thomas has changed. I see her around all the time, of course, but it still comes as a shock. The second week of freshman year she started dating a boy named Derek Higgins and dropped out all of our lives completely. No explanation. Slowly her hair and clothes changed, and she started hanging out with a new crowd, the crowd Derek belonged to, which mostly consisted of wannabe musicians and burnouts. By Sophmore year she had quite a reputation for being easy. Of course by then all of us former baby-sitters had pretty much gone our seperate ways. And then, out of the blue, one week before graduation, I open my locker to find a not from Kristy requesting a meeting after school. I considered not bothering but morbid curiosity overcame me.

Kristy ran to us, breathless. "Sorry I'm late, Mrs. Houston was being a total bitch. I don't know why she bothers this late in the game... hey, Dawn!"

Dawn gave Kristy a dirty look and went back to sulking.

Doesn't faze Kristy a bit. "So how have you been? Valedictorian Mary Anne Spier! Wow, right?"

"Yeah, wow. What's this about Kristy?"

She looked a little surprised at my bluntness. She isn't the only one who's changed. I got blonde highlights a spine over the past four years. "Oh, well... I was thinking we could go somewhere and talk... maybe eat..."

With a final heavy sigh from Dawn, she walks away, Probably to walk home. I don't say anything to her. I merely reguard Kristy with suspicion.

Kristy stares back at me evenly. "Look, I know you don't trust me and I hurt you and we haven't really spoken in three years, but just give me an hour, okay? I want to make things right before it's all over."

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I know that isn't all there is to it."

"Well, I have an idea..."

Of course she does. It's kind of comforting to know that Kristy is still her old self somewhere in there. "One hour."

Her face broke out in bright smile. "Great. I'll drive. Want to go to the Rosebud?"

I shrug at her and start walking toward the parking lot. We push open the doors and Kristy is fumbling with keys. She pushes a button and disarms the alarm on a brand-new black BMW. I forget to be chilly for a moment. "This is i your /i car?" I ask, stupified. I'd seen the car in the lot the past couple weeks and had admired and envied it.

Kristy grinned. "Graduation present. Watson. He spoils me. Mom was pissed."

I opened the passenger door and slid into the lush automobile, looking around in envy. "Wow."

"Thanks."

I suddenly remembered I was being cool with her and wiped the stupid smile off my face. I said nothing more, and neither did she. She started up the car, and blasted hip-hop over a chest-thumping sound system. We arrived at the Rosebud Cafe within about three minutes. Kristy didn't seem to care about speed limits.

There were quite a few cars parked in front of the Rosebud Cafe, all of them belonging to SHS students. My breath hitched slightly when I saw the Taurus belonging to Logan Bruno, but went ahead anyway. Kristy gave me a funny look as she held the door open for me.

"So what's this idea of yours?" I asked before we had even sat down, scanning the room for Logan.

"Mallory! Hey!" Kristy called out, ignoring me.

Mallory Pike was crowded into a booth with six other girls. I do not like Mallory at all. Once she straightened her hair and put in contacts, she turned into the same superficial brat as all of the other "popular" girls. She looked up and grinned at Kristy, who was waving her over. Figures they would be friends.

As she made her way over to us, she was stopped suddenly when a guy stood directly in front of her. It was Logan.

I watched, trying not to be interested, as Logan placed his hand on Mallory's hip and whispered in her ear. Mallory giggled uncomfortably, her eyes meeting with mine momentarily.

"What's with that?" Kristy asked quietly from beside me.

"You guys are friends, I thought you would know." I snapped back, then grimaced. That came out a little more bitchy than I had intended. "Sorry."

"It's okay. What ever happened between you guys anyway?"

"Oh... it's nothing." Nobody knew what happened between Logan and I, and I intended to keep it that way.

Logan and I had enjoyed an on/off relationship for some time, but in junior year we had decided to stop being silly and be serious about eachother. It had been a wonderful six months, and I had truly believed I was in love with him. When junior prom rolled around, Logan booked us a limo... and a hotel room. I had not objected. I felt we were ready. We'd spent the prom in a dream state, and the limo ride to the hotel had been very touchy feely. We got in the room, we took off our clothes, we lay in bed... and I changed my mind. I stopped Logan and said I just couldn't do it.

Logan did not agree. And we were in such a posistion that he could just go ahead before I could do anything about it. I had pleaded with him to stop, but it was too late... so I had just laid there with tears streaming down my face while he stole my virginity. One thing to be thankful for, he finished quickly. As soon as he was done I had rolled over, curled into a ball, and sobbed. He had tried to console me, apologize, touch me, but I just kept crying. After what seemed like hours (but in reality had been only 45 minutes after we had gone into the room) he silently got dressed and left. We haven't spoken to eachother since.

I could not take my eyes off of Logan's hand on Mallory's hip. Something was going on there.

Finally he let her go and she joined us at our table. "Hey Mary Anne!" she said happily, as if she had not just been flirting with my ex-boyfriend.

"Hey." I replied, giving her a look that made her squirm.

"So, my idea." Kristy said loudly. She could see the tension.

"Right! Isn't it great, Mary Anne?" Mallory asked.

"I don't know it yet."

"Oh! Kristy did you want me to tell her?" Kristy nodded. "Okay, well, Mom got the house in Sea City again, as usual. But we have some problems. Nicky and Byron have to go to summer school, among other things. So the other day, Mom calls Kristy tol tell her the trip's being canceled -"

"I was supposed to go to help out." Kristy interjected. "So I ask her to wait a few days to cancel, because maybe I could take the two weeks. I knew Watson would pay for it. So I got to thinking... who could I bring?"

Kristy and Mallory stared at me, grinning expectantly.

"Who?" I asked. Clueless.

"The Baby-Sitter's Club!" Kristy squealed.

Finally I got it. "Oh... oh. Kristy, I don't know... I mean, you guys have your crowd, I have mine, Dawn's an alien, Jessi's in New York... and Abby..."

"It would be good for Abby. I think it would be good for all of us. Two weeks on the beach, no parents..."

I was still skeptical. "I don't know if they'll go for it." By "they" I meant Claudia Kishi and Stacey McGill. Us three are a tight group.

"You can't say that unless you ask them, Mary Anne." Kristy said quietly, her face falling.

Looking at Kristy's face, I felt a tug on my heart. I may try to be cool and collected, but I'm still a sucker for a sad face. "Okay. I'll ask them."

"Great!" Kristy jumped up. "Let's go now! Mal, you need a ride home?"

Next thing I knew we were all crowded into Kristy's car, talking excitedly. The more I thought about it, the more fun it sounded. It had been almost four years since we had all been friends, and I missed the old group.

We pulled into Mallory's driveway, and I headed across the backyard to Stacey's house while they ran inside to tell Mrs. Pike. I let myself in Stacey's back door calling her name.

"Upstairs!" She shouted back.

I went up the stair and found Stacey in her room at her computer. "Are you doing homework?"

"Nah. downloading some songs Claudia sent me. I didn't even hear you pull up!"

"Actually.. I came here with Kristy and Mallory."

Stacey raised her eyebrows and turned to me to give me her full attention. I explained Kristy's idea to her quickly. "I know it sounds dumb, I don't even know why I'm asking you..."

"Actually..." Stacey said softly. "I think it sounds great."

I was silent, waiting for an explanation.

"Mary Anne, don't you remember how much fun you and I had there? I know it's been a long time and some of us have gone our seperate ways, but it's still i us /i . I think it would be totally fun."

I nodded in agreement. "You know, it was pretty easy to talk to Kristy just now, even after all of this time."

Stacey's computer beeped. "Hey! Claudia's sending me a message. I'm going to tell her to come over."

The doorbell rang. I heard Kristy calling our names. I grinned. "I'll go let them in."

I rushed downstairs and opened the door. Kristy and Mallory barreled in, laughing. "Claudia's coming over." I told them.

"Awesome! Call Dawn!" Kristy replied.

Trying not to be negative, I agreed and called my house. Dawn picked up after three rings. I explained the situation to her and got silence.

"Dawn?"

"What?"

"So what do you think?"

More silence. Then a sigh. "You mean you actually want me to come?"

No. "Of course they want you to come. Come over to Stacey's right now, okay? Everyone's here."

Even more silence. Then, finally, "I guess." and the phone hung up.

That's what's to be expected from Dawn these days. I carried the phone to the front porch, where I could hear Kristy, Stacey, and Mallory talking excitedly. "We're waiting for Claudia." Stacey informed me.

"Order a pizza, I'm starving." Kristy said, gesturing to the phone in my hand. "I'm buying."

I smiled to myself at Kristy's bossiness and dialed Pizza Express. This could be interesting.


	2. Chapter 2

Two.

Claudia 

"I'm going to Stacey's!" I called as I thundered downstairs.

"Claudia-" I heard my mother begin, her voice irritated.

I ran out the door and slammed it behind me. I didn't want to hear it. My parents had known I wouldn't be graduating for some time now, but it was only last week I'd informed them that I wasn't going to try. Ever since I had been doing my best to avoid them. My parents had been under the impression I was going to attend summer school and the first semester of next year to get up my credits, but I am through with school.

I walked quickly down the street, lost in thought. I know it's not the greatest desicion. In fact, it's downright stupid. I don't have a plan as of yet, I'm just going to wing it. Stacey and I have talked about maybe getting a place in Jersey, where apartments are cheap. Stacey isn't going to college yet. She wants to hold off, explore the world, she says. We figure living in New Jersey and working in New York might be fun. I have to do something, because after I told him I'm dropping out, my father informed me I am to be out of the house by the end of summer. My mother hadn't said anything to object to it, but she had looked ready to cry. I guess my parents have had enough of me. When I came home with a tattoo last month they had gotten mad. This sent them over the edge.

Stupid Janine. It's her fault they have such high expectations.

It doesn't take long to get to Stacey's house, and when I was getting close I slowed down. Things might be weird. I haven't spoken to Kristy since sophmore year, when I heard a rumor she had been messing around with the guy I had been dating. I confronted her about it, and things ended up with us rolling around in the hall yanking each others hair. We'd both been suspended for a week, and I have not even made eye contact with her since. From what I hear around school she's changed a lot, grown up a lot, but I'm still a little worried.

Of course, I never took that we fought all that seriously. The thing I never got over was the fact that Kristy Thomas, of all people, had stolen my boyfriend. These days the whole situation seems petty and stupid, but back then I had taken it quite seriously.

I smiled to myself and shook my head, vowing to forget it. I was approaching Stacey's house...

From where I was, I could see Kristy, Mary Anne, Stacey, and Mallory on the porch. All but Kristy were sitting on the bench. Kristy was leaning against the railing smoking a cigarette. They all looked happy.

"Hey, guys!" I called as I walked up.

Kristy spun around. I could see her thinking the same things I had been. I summoned up my strength and smiled at her. She smiled back.

"Claud! We ordered pizza!" Stacey greeted me. She knows how to make me happy.

"Please tell me you got some of it without meat..." a crabby voice said from behind me. I turned around and found Dawn. Mary Anne would not tell us why she came back to Stoneybrook last year, but I have some idea. These days Dawn is skinny and pale and almost zombie-like. She hardly talks and chain smokes constantly. She isn't graduating, either, but I guess her mom is making her stay in school until she does. I'm pretty sure it's drugs, but have never asked Mary Anne out of respect for Dawn's privacy.

"Can't you at least say hi before you start complaining?" Mary Anne growled. Poor Mary Anne, her sister brings out such a nasty side of her.

Dawn didn't answer. It's what she does.

I stepped onto the porch. "So, Sea City, huh?"

Kristy grinned. "Yeah! No parents, no kids, just the old BSC having fun. Sounds great, right?"

Sounds like I'll come home and find my room packed. "Sounds like a blast. When?"

"One week after graduation, to the day." Stacey said, smiling broadly. I could see visions of bikini's and hot tan guys dancing in her head.

"What about the rest?"

"That's what I'm wondering." Said Mary Anne.

"We need to make phone calls." Mallory added.

After that things seemed to roll smoothly. It really felt like we were all in eighth grade again, like high school had never happened. Sometimes I wish it hadn't.

Later, much later, Mallory had gone home and Dawn's curfew had been enforced (she had to be home by ten but Mary Anne could stay out as late as she pleased.) The original BSC sat around Stacey's dining room table, still picking at pizza and giggling like old times. We had put in the proper phone calls. Jessi said no. She had studying to do. Shannon was going on vacation with her family the entire month of June. Abby, who's family had moved back to Long Island two years ago, had also said no, which wasn't shocking. Her mother was currently in remission with breast cancer.

Kristy excused herself for a cigarette for the millionth time. I looked at Stacey and Mary Anne. "Okay, okay. I'm going to go talk to her."

"Thank God." Stacey said. The two had been bugging me to since the first time Kristy had stepped out.

I made my way to the front porch. Kristy was standing against the railing again. She smiled at me.

"Hey." I said. What the hell do I say?

"You want to talk about it, huh?" Same old Kristy.

"I guess."

"I'll start. I owe you an apology. I... I was so stupid back then. I thought I was grown up, I guess. That's no excuse for what I did."

I chuckled. "I really don't care about all of that. It was stupid to fight over a boy. Cary Retlin at that."

Kristy made a face and giggled. "That is so embarassing. He's such a loser." She stabbed out her cigarette. "I don't know what either of us ever saw in him."

Kristy headed for the door, which is where I was still standing. When she reached me I didn't move. After a moment of hesitation I held out my arms and she hugged me. "I'm sorry, Kristy. I wish we'd done this a long time ago." I murmured.

"Me, too. No guy is worth the friendship we had." She replied, sounding choked up. It was true. We'd been friends since we were toddlers.

We walked back into the house together. Kristy returned to her place at the table and sighed. "So guys... let's be serious for just a minute. Do you think is going to work?"

We all stared at her, question marks in our eyes.

"Are we going to be able to spend two weeks together without trying to kill eachother?"

Hmmm. How to answer that...

"I don't know about Dawn." Mary Anne said darkly

"I think she'll be okay," I interjected quickly. "I mean, she wants to go, right? She could say no." I wanted badly, so badly to add that maybe if Mary Anne would ease up on her a little, Dawn would be a little happier, but Mary Anne is so touchy about her sister that I don't dare.

"What about Mallory?" Kristy asked.

The three of us looked at eachother silently. While today had been fun, we just hadn't liked Mallory much the past year. She's turned into kind of a fake, and I don't personally trust her. I could see Mary Anne wanted to say something but was holding back.

"She's barely sixteen." Stacey said carefully. "I don't know how much fun we could have with a sixteen-year-old hanging out."

Kristy nodded. "Yeah, I thought about that, too... but it's kinda her house." She sat forward thoughtfully. "How about we let her come, but at the first sign of trouble she gets sent home? Mallory's pretty cool, you guys, I don't think she would come back blabbing to her mother everything she sees us do, but if she proves to be a problem, or if it starts feeling like we're baby-sitting instead of on vacation, we could tell Mrs. Pike she needs to leave."

I nodded. "That could work." I was still watching Mary Anne. She really looked she had something to say about Mallory.

A cell phone rang. It was Kristy's. She made a face. "Mom." She said, answering. "Hi mom... okay, no problem, i'll be home in about half an hour... no... yeah I know. Okay. Love you, too. Bye." She flipped her phone shut. "Okay, I gotta go."

"My car..." Mary Anne said.

"Oh right! Come on, I'll drop you off at school. Claud, do you need a ride home?"

I shook my head and looked questioningly at Stacey. She smiled and nodded. We didn't have to talk, she knew I wanted to stay over. "No thanks, Kristy, I'm staying here." I told her. "Home isn't very friendly these days."

We watched Kristy and Mary Anne leave, and Stacey looked over at me. "Are you going to school at all tomorrow?"

"Nah. What's the point? Thanks for letting me crash here, though."

"Did you fight with your dad again?"

"No, I just haven't really talked to either of them in the past week. Now it's getting past the point of being mean to where I just feel akward. I want to talk to them, to mom at least..." I sighed. "Now I just don't know what I would say." Truth is, I kind of want to ask them both if they still love me. I know I'm a huge disappointment to them.

Stacey put her arm around my shoulder and squeezed. "Come on. Let's go to my room and find something on T.V."

In the morning I woke up to find Stacey already gone for school. I could hear Maureen puttering around the kitchen, and smelled coffee. I padded downstairs and into the kitchen. Maureen smiled at me. "Hey Claud. You guys are still fighting, huh?" She poured a mug of coffee and handed it to me.

"Yeah, I guess." I mumbled, taking my cup to the table and dumping six spoonfuls of sugar into it. Stacey's mom has been so awesome to me. She hasn't once lectured me on finishing school and told me I'm welcome to stay here anytime.

Maureen drained her cup of coffee and picked up her purse. "I need to leave, I'm running a little late. Lock the door if you leave, sweetie."

I promised and took my coffee to the living room, where I curled up on the couch and flipped on the T.V. This is what I do now, lounge, watch T.V, play on the computer. Four days out of the last week I've been doing this at Stacey's. I need to get a job soon, because I know my dad isn't going to give me money anymore. I have money saved, almost a thousand dollars, and I can live on that for a while. I'd been saving for a car...

Some time in the middle of Maury Povich, I nodded off. I woke with a start when the doorbell rang.

I headed to the door sleepily, knowing I must look like hell. "Who is it?" I called.

"It's Dawn." Came a sullen voice from the other side.

Confused, I opened the door. Dawn walked in while I was still opening it. "Hey."

"Uh... Hi. How'd you know I was here?"

"Stacey told my sister on the way to school this morning." She dropped her bookbag on the floor. "I was tired of school."

I still didn't quite know what to say. "Oh... did you need something?"

"No." Dawn murmured, heading for the livingroom. I followed her in, and she flopped on the couch. "What're you watching?" She asked.

I sat down, still akward. "Just, you know, daytime stuff.

"Hmmm." She fell silent and focused on the T.V. I just shook my head to myself and decided to let it go. She'd tell me why she was here eventually.

After about fifteen minutes, Dawn looked over at me suddenly. "Do you still paint and stuff?"

I thought about it. "Sometimes I do, yeah. Not like I used to. I designed my tattoo."

"Isn't it weird how much we've all changed? I used to be so... health conscious and an enviroment freak, remember?"

I nodded. This is the most Dawn has said to me in four years. "We're growing up, is all. Nobody stays the same forever. Besides, you're still a vegetarian, right?"

"Yeah..." Dawn looked sad. "I wish that was enough."

"What's changed about you, Dawn?" I asked. Will I finally hear Dawn's big secret?

She was quiet for a moment. "I used to be much happier." She said, choosing her words carefully. "My family could trust me."

I waited.

She looked at me again, and I could see hurt, deep hurt in her eyes. "How are you parents taking you dropping out?" She asked.

"Not great. I'm here, right?" I bit my lip, and decided to try and tell her I could understand where she was at a little. "I'm a huge disappointment to them. My dad is kicking me out at the end of summer."

"Just for dropping out? That's all?"

I nodded. I think it's pretty harsh, too.

Dawn fell silent and looked back at the T.V.

I guess that was as much as Dawn Schaffer opened up these days.


	3. Chapter 3

Three.

Stacey

"MOOOOOOM!"

Claudia, who had been napping on my bed, jumped a mile. "Are you okay!"

I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Actual tears. "It won't stay on..." I nearly sobbed, holding up my cap. I've had it for four days... why did I never think to try it on?

My mother burst into my room, looking panicked. "What? Stacey? Are you dizzy?"

"Mycapwon'tstayonandmyhairisperfect..." I cried, holding back a sob.

Claudia was looking at me as if I were insane.

"Oh... oh, honey... it's okay! The cap never stays on, it's normal. We'll just use bobby pins." I could see she was trying not to smile.

My lip trembled. I had just spent an hour and a half on my hair, making sure every strand had the perfect curl to it, ensuring that it could bounce back from hathead...

"They're only bobby pins, baby. They won't hurt your hair."

I nodded, still unsure. So we'd have to put my cap on at school. Okay. I guess.

Downstairs the front door slammed. "Hello?" Called a male voice.

Mom made a face. I forgot the cap situation and bolted for the stairs. "DAD!" I shouted, taking the stairs two at a time. He got me a car, I know he got me a car. I'm not supposed to know but I do. I flung myself at him and hugged him.

"Boontsie. I can't believe it's today already." Dad murmured, holding me tight. "I'm so proud of you."

Yeah, yeah, where's my car? "Thanks, Daddy." I replied. Maybe I'm being selfish... but I worked thirteen years for this day! I deserve lots of things, and I know my father got me a car. How do I know? I overheard Mom complaining on the phone that he was showing her up again. "He's never around unless it's to make me look like I can't afford the things she wants." She had said. "I got her diamond earrings, gorgeous ones. He called yesterday to let me know he's bought her a car and is driving it down for graduation."

It was very hard for me not to squeal at that moment. Mom didn't even know I was home. So I kept to myself. Mom gave me the earrings this morning, and that are sinfully gorgeous. I'm wearing them now.

I look at Dad expectantly.

"What?" He asked innocently.

"Do you like my earrings? They're Mom's gift to me." I told him, pushing back my hair to show them off.

"They're very pretty." He shuffled. "Well, I got you something, too..." He said, digging in his pockets. He produced a set of keys and handed them to me unceremoniously. Like he did this every day. That's Dad. Gets right to the point.

"Just what I always wanted. Keys."

Dad looked like he was going to laugh, then realization crossed his face. "You already knew!" He exclaimed, shaking his head. "Well, go look at it..." he followed this with a muttered word that sounded bad.

I giggled and opened the front door. I peaked out, toward the driveway... in which sat a brand-new bright red Nissan Xterra.

I screamed bloody murder. Spinning around, I flung myself at Dad again. "Oh Daddy! It's perfect! It's too much! I love it... oh wow... I never expected... oh Daddy! Thank you! I love you soooo much... MOOOOOOM! CLAUDIAAAA!"

They were coming down the stairs. "Come look!" I shreiked at them, running outside to inspect it. Dad had gone all out. Custom wheels, tinted windows, leather interior... I opened the driver side door and slid in. Claudia slid in next to me, grinning. "We should go get Mary Anne." She said.

I glanced in the rearview mirror. I was ready. It was still early, about an hour til the ceremony... "Let's go." I agreed.

Mom was holding my purse, cap and gown. I jumped out of the car and ran to her. "We're going--"

"Go, go." She said, handing me my ceremony garb with a grin.

I hugged her fiercly. "I love you so much, Mom." I whispered to her. I let go and hugged Dad, too. Then I ran to my new car.

"Try the stereo!" Dad called after me.

" 'Try the stereo'? Is there anything he didn't think of?" Claudia asked, hitting the power button. She found a good station and turned it up loud. "Oh... yes..." She moaned, leaning back into her seat and closing her eyes.

I backed the car out of the driveway carefully, waving to my parents. I drove down the street slowly, with caution. I turned the corner and stomped on the gas. The massive engine roared to life and we took off like a shot. Claudia howled. I sped toward Mary Anne's house. I'm sure she's absolutely flipping out about giving her speech. A nice ride in Stacey's new car will do her good.

As excited as I was about graduation, it turned out to be pretty lame. I was seated next to Cokie Mason, who made a show of looking bored the entire time. During Mary Anne's speech she kept yawning loudly, which I wanted to kill her for, but I knew there were too many video cameras on us and I would never, ever live it down if I got into it with Cokie on tape. Mary Anne's speech wasn't anything to scream about, anyway. She read fast and quiet, looking at her notes the entire time. She'd accepted Valedictorian kicking and screaming. She had been number two in the class for the longest time when, suddenly, in April, the girl who had been first had disappeared. I guess the story is that her grandmother had had a stroke, and she lived in Germany, and the whole family went to stay and take care of her.

When Mary Anne had been informed she was now Valedictorian, the first thing she said was "I don't have to give the speech, do I!" At that, in my new car on the ride over she was dead-serious trying to convince me we should blow off graduation and go to New York City.

She made it through the speech without dying, and everyone stood up and threw their caps. Everyone, that is, but those of us who spent hours perfecting their hair. We all spent the next two hours milling around hugging people, crying, taking pictures, signing yearbooks, and exchanging addresses, promising to write eachother. The only thing really worth mentioning was Alan Gray grabbing Kristy and kissing her only to run away laughing. Kristy was astonished, not knowing why he'd done it. They'd barely spoken since middle school, and when they did he was making fun of her in some way, as usual, she said. She shook it off, collected herself, and went back to reminding everyone she saw that she was having the mother of all parties at her house, with full parental permission at that. I guess Watson really spoils her.

So they day was pretty boring... until ten that night, when Claudia and I pulled up to Kristy's house. I gased at how many cars were surrounding the house, from which I could hear music thumping from down the street. I circled for a parking spot and became irritated at the idea of parking my brand-new car so far away from the house... until Claudia spotted Mary Annes car. I pulled right up to her bumper, figuring she wouldn't mind me blocking her in.

When we got to the door I attempted ringing the bell but being that I could barely hear myself talk, figured no one would hear it. So Claud and I walted in like we owned the place, nearly colliding with Mary Anne.

"Claud! Stacey! You guys!" She exclaimed, hugging us both. Mary Anne had clearly tried the punch.

"You're drunk!" Claudia excalimed. "Where'd you get alcohol?"

"Oh... everywhere!" She giggled. "Oh!" she exclaimed, her eyes widening. "Oh my God! I almost forgot. You guys have to see this."

Mary Anne grabbed both Claudia and I's hands and dragged us to the kitchen, where we found Kristy, with her face apparently glued to that of Mr. Alan Gray. The two appeared oblivious to the party around them.

"That," Mary Anne said, gesturing grandly toward Kristy and the guy who it seemed does not hate her after all, "has been going on for almost an hour."

"Hey! Kristy!" Claudia shouted.

The only response she got was Kristy's hand waving her away.

Mary Anne handed a cup of something to Claudia. "It's useless. She won't answer."

I stared at the cup in Claudia's hand, envious. It was something mixed, and I knew there was not a chance in hell it would be sugar-free. "Don't they have anything straight here?" I asked Mary Anne.

She shrugged. "I don't even know who brought whatever is in this. Sorry, Stace..."

Kristy was finally pulling away from Alan. She grinned at me. "Come with me, Stacey," she said mysteriously. "And Stacey only." She added as Claudia, Mary Anne, and Alan attempted to follow.

I followed her as she went into the formal dining room. She lead me to the liquor cabinet and produced a key.

"You stole the key?" I asked, a little surprised that she would.

"Nah. Watson gave it to me."

Wow. I wish I had a dad like that.

"What can you drink?"

"Nothing with sugar, nothing flavored..."

"Yikes." Kristy took down a bottle of whiskey and two shot glasses. She poured them both and held one up to toast me.

I picked up mine.

"To old friends in new ways." She said with a grin.

"Cheers!" I agreed, smiling back. We both drank, both coughed and gagged a little, both laughed as Kristy poured a second round. Then a third. After the third I started to feel it, and we agreed to meet back here when the mood struck. Then she went off in search of Alan and I went off in search of entertainment.

I found a guy and danced with him for about a half an hour, then found Claudia, who was already plastered. Her and I danced for a while. When the CD ended there was a pause as someone found another one to play, and I realized I had to pee. I excused myself and dashed upstairs, trying to remember which room was Kristy's. She had her own bathroom, and I figured I wouldn't have to wait for it.

I picked a door and knew I was right on the first shot. It was decorated different, but there was still an element of old Kristy in there, like a Derek Jeter poster on the wall, or trophies on the dresser.

The bathroom light was on. Damn... I thought I was being slick.

I heard a sniff, and saw that the door was partially open. I walked into Kristy's room all the way... and from there I could see in the bathroom.

I could see Dawn in the bathroom, sitting at the vanity. Leaning over. I looked at what she was looking at--

And stopped cold. I swear my heart stopped beating.

"Dawn!" I shouted... but it came out as a whisper. I tried to turn away, to run, but was held by some sick facination as I watched her lean over with a straw in her hand, moving the straw to her nose...

I bolted. I ran out the door, down the stairs. I could feel hot tears streaming down my face. Not Dawn. Not that.

I found Mary Anne quickly. She was seated on a couch with Claudia, sitting across from Kristy and Alan. "Mary Anne! Mary Anne oh my god..."

"Stacey! Is everything okay? What happened?" Mary Anne exclaimed, jumping up.

"Dawn..."

Her face turned dark. "Dawn..."

"She's in Kristy's bathroom." I blubbered. "She's... I think she's... she can't be... not Dawn..." but I could see recognition in her face. Not shock, not dismay, not denial... Mary Anne looked full of anger and painful memories. Without a word, she headed back where I had come from.

Kristy, Claudia and I looked at eachother, and silently agreed we had to follow.

Mary Anne was going to need us right now.


	4. Chapter 4

Four.

Kristy

I watched Mary Anne lead the charge upstairs with a bad feeling. Stacey said Dawn was in my bathroom...

I arrived at my bedroom door in time to here the bathroom door slam open and Mary Anne say "Out."

"Who the hell are you?" A male voice replied.

Sighing, I stood in the doorway of the bathroom. "Chris, just get out, okay?"

Chris Parson, a guy I used to hang out with, strolled out. "What's up Kristy? I'm just trying to have a good time--"

"You know I'm not in that anymore." I hissed at him. I could feel Stacey, Claudia, and Alan staring at me. "Get the hell out of my bedroom."

Chris sighed, shaking his head. "Like it's the first time..." he muttered, walking past me. My faced burned. Why did he have to say that in front of Alan, of all damn people? I decided to forget it and focus on the task at hand. entered the bathroom, where Mary Anne stood glaring at Dawn, who looked pale. Too pale.

"I cannot believe you're doing this again." Mary Anne growled at her sister. "What was that stuff, anyway?"

"Meth, knowing Chris." I interjected. "Dawn? Are you okay?"

Dawn shook her head slightly. "I'm gonna... I think I'm going to..."

I went to her and pulled her out of the chair, keeping my arm around her, and guided her to the toilet. She looked at me gratefully and leaned over it.

Mary Anne stood to the side, wide-eyed. "Dawn?" She asked in a small voice.

Dawn moaned, then threw up. I expected Mary Anne to be grossed out or mad or something, but she actually ran to Dawn and held her hair back. She looked at me. "Should we call 911?"

"Nooooo!" Dawn groaned.

"No. She just did a little too much. It's probably the first time she's done it in a long time." I replied quietly.

Dawn had stopped throwing up. She leaned her head on the seat, eyes wide. "Six months." She said shakily, and started crying.

"Do you want to lay down, Dawn?" Mary Anne asked.

"No..." Dawn sobbed.

Mary Anne sat on the edge of the bathtub, and Dawn layed her head in her sisters lap. Claudia and Stacey stood in the doorway, eyes like frisbees. Alan stood behind them, looking... I don't know what.

Dawn continued sobbing.

"Mary Anne... she's done this before?" Claudia asked quietly.

Mary Anne nodded, tears in her eyes as well. "It's why she came back. I guess she got mixed up with a bad crowd or something... but her Dad had enough and sent her to us. Said she needed to get away from California."

Dawn started sobbing louder. "Maaaarryannnnnnee..."

"I don't think she wants to talk about this..." I murmured, sitting on the floor near the girls.

For fifteen minutes I sat there, so did Stacey, Claudia, and even Alan. We all sat there silently until Dawns sobs quieted to sniffles, her sniffles turned to the occasional sigh, and finally, she was asleep. Alan scooped her up effortlessly and put her in my bed. Mary Anne slid in next to her and the four of us left them alone. We all headed back downstairs, remembering there was a party going on. Claudia and Stacey went off somewhere, and I sat down on a couch in a more quiet corner.

Alan sat next to me and grabbed my hand.

I looked at him. Alan has always been cute, I'll admit it. He's just such a goof. He was always tormenting me. Now he's looking at me in this way that sends shivers up my spine. He just looks so serious and intense, even with a slight smile on his face.

"So," I asked, "I guess you want to know what some of that was about..."

Alan edged a little closer and ran his fingers through my hair, twirling a lock of it around his index finger. "It seems a little soon to get that serious. I'm still trying to figure out why I can't stop staring at you." He gave my hair a small tug and let go. "Though I have always liked blondes."

"I've been a blonde for two years."

"Yeah, but you didn't drive a BMW."

I giggled. "Okay, we'll save all that for another day. But thank you," I added quickly, "for helping out with Dawn."

"Watching you girls try to pick her up would have been sad. Funny, but sad." He squeezed my hand. "Do you have any theories about this? You and me, I mean."

Theories. I have a few, I suppose. Maybe this is the completion of my little turnaround I'm trying to achieve. I used to feel so unattractive as far as guys went... and then this guy Derek started paying attention to me the first day of freshman year. Within two weeks I had dropped my BSC friends completely. They were freshmen. Derek, and the people Derek and I hung out with, were sophmores and juniors. I had this huge desire to be cool, to feel wanted by these people and this guy in particular. Derek got me drunk for the first time. Derek got me high for the first time. Derek got me wearing make-up and buying trendier clothes. Whatever the guy would suggest, I would do it. And I got popular, among our crowd.

By the second semester that year my grades were slipping... and so much more began to happen. I became a person I did not ever think I could be.

I don't like to think about all of it.

The party didn't go on much longer. My heart simply wasn't in it anymore. By 1AM I had managed to get everyone out. Stacey, Claudia, and Alan were all cleaning up. I was sitting off to the side. I didn't feel like cleaning, or doing much of anything. Seeing Dawn that way...

I woke up with a start. Someone had dropped a pan in the kitchen. I stretched and realized I was not in my bed.

A guest room. I must have fallen asleep. I sat up slowly, but still felt dizzy. Uhg.

Besides me, Alan shifted, but did not wake up.

Wait.

I did a double take and look at Alan in horror. I threw off the covers and looked at myself.

Fully clothed. Thank God...

"Alan?" I said in a low voice.

He didn't open his eyes. "Mmmm?"

"Why are you in bed with me?"

"You wouldn't let me leave..." He mumbled, opening his eyes slightly.

"I don't remember." I told him, admiring his face and eyes. He is awfully cute.

Alan groaned and sat up. He wasn't wearing a shirt. "You were asleep. I carried you in here, and layed you on the bed. You wouldn't let go of me, and you woke up a little and said you didn't want to be alone."

I simply sat there, looking into his eyes, saying nothing. I wonder if it's possible to fall in love so easy? I've never been in love, but staring at him, at the curve of his jaw, at his longish black hair, messy from sleep, at his dark eyes, I really wondered if it was possible.

He drew me toward him and kissed me lightly, then not so lightly. I didn't care. My breath must be terrible, I must look like crap, but I didn't care.

Someone knocked on the door, inturrupting.

"Go away!" Alan called cheerfuly, now planting kisses on my neck.

"Yeah, uh, Kristy? Watson's on the phone." Sounded like Stacey. Watson had taken Mom and the kids to New York City yesterday afternoon for an overnight trip. Mom didn't exactly know about the party. She thought I was having some friends over. Watson, on the other hand...

"Come in, Stace." I said. Stacey opened the door slowly... I guess she was being cautious. Seeing we were decent, she entered and handed me the phone.

"Hey Watson." I said, putting my finger to Alan's lips. He got the hint.

"Hi sweetie. Everything go okay last night?"

"Oh yeah, just fine." Besides Dawn nearly overdosing in my bathroom.

"No trouble? No cops?" He sounded surprised. Mom must be in the shower or something.

"Not a bit of trouble. I actually ended the party pretty early, it just got boring..."

Watson chuckled. "I knew I could trust you. Good girl. Your mother was worried to all hell just thinking about you having a few friends over. She kept wanting to call. You owe me big." There's the understatment of the year. I seriously think if not for Watson basically spoiling me for the past year I would have just gone back to the old ways. But he had sided with me against my mother, saying that rewarding me for good behavior was better than punishing me for past mistakes. They've been fighting a lot lately because of me. I feel terrible about that, but Watson keeps assuring me it will all blow over with school ending.

"Thanks, Watson. Really."

"No problem. And tell Stacey she's a horrible liar. I have to go, I'll call when we're almost home."

I hung up the phone. "Watson said to tell you you're a horrible liar." I said to Stacey, who was still standing next to the bed.

"Well I didn't know he knew about the party..." She shrugged. "Mary Anne is cooking breakfast."

"Everyone is still here?" I asked, surprised.

"Well, Mary Anne took Dawn home at like five in the morning. I guess she wanted to come back. Are you guys going to eat?"

"Sure," I said. Alan gave me a puppy dog look. Whoops. I forgot we had been in the middle of something. "I mean, I've got to get up and dressed, brush my teeth... I'll be out in a few minutes."

"Uh...huh." She clearly didn't believe me. "Okay, see you in a while."

As soon as the door was shut Alan was on my neck again. I giggled. "I almost wish we weren't going to Sea City..." I murmured.

He stopped. "You're going where? When?"

"Next friday." Whoops again. "We're going for two weeks." Funny, the thought of not seeing Alan for two weeks is a little depressing.

"So I'm not invited?" He asked with a grin.

"Do you want to come?" I asked eagerly. "Of course you're invited. Oh my God, we're going to have so much fun!" A little voice in my head reminded me that this was supposed to be a "BSC" thing... I pushed the thought away. They wouldn't mind.

Would they?


	5. Chapter 5

Five.

_Dawn._

I pried my eyes open and looked at the clock beside my bed.

Four P.M.

Yikes. I hadn't meant to sleep this late, but when Mary Anne dropped me off this morning my head was positively pounding. I took four Tylenol P.M. and hoped for the best. At least my head doesn't hurt anymore.

My stomach growled. I haven't eaten since yesterday evening and that ended up in Kristy's toilet.

I stumbled into the bathroom and splashed water on my face. I ran a brush through my hair a few times, gave up, and clipped it up. I brushed my teeth quickly and checked my reflection.

Crap. But slightly more alive.

I made my way to the kitchen rehearsing for the questioning that was about to go on. I threw open the fridge and dug out an avacodo, some swiss cheese, bread, and mayo. Before I could close the door I hear:

"Why have you been sleeping all day?"

I looked at my mother, who was struggling to look nonchalant. Behind the stuggle was pure suspicion. They're right to think the worst about me, but they're so strict. When I turned eighteen I thought I would be free but I was informed that as long as I lived in this house I would abide by the same rules. Home by ten with a few exceptions. No driver's license. Keep the grades up. I could move out, but I worry I could end up.. I don't know, dead? I thought I was done with dope, I really did. For nearly six months I stayed off it, and I thought I was clean. Yeah, I'm still moody all the time but I really thought I could turn it down if the opportunity arose. I was wrong.

I looked my mother square in the eye. "Sorry. We were all up all night. Just talking about the past and stuff. Mary Anne brought me home this morning and went back to Kristy's."

Mom's face relaxed. She thought Mary Anne was a saint. I knew Mary Anne would not tell our parents about what happened, and Mom and Richard will believe anything she says. Mary Anne may not like me very much these days, but we're still loyal when it comes to the sister kind of stuff.

Mom leaves me to make my sandwich. I throw it together quickly and gulp it down at the table. I wonder where Mary Anne is. Still at Kristy's? I think it's a little strange how the four of them seem to have gone back to old ways, good friends like nothing happened. Nobody's really talked about the past and what happened, as far as I know. I'm a little worried they're being a little too nostalgic, that they're going to realize they stopped being friends for a reason and it's going to go off like a bomb. It's why I've been trying to stay away. I don't like the idea of going to Sea City with a group of people I consider former friends for two weeks all that much, but I _do_ like the idea of getting away from Mom and Richard. A lot.

Then again, they all sat in the bathroom with me last night. Maybe they were just curious. Well, Kristy seemed genuinely concerned. And surprisingly knowledgable. I did not know that Kristy had a history with drugs, but it was very obvious to me last night. Maybe I should try talking to her.

I sit at the table when I'm done and I begin to feel it. A little nag in my brain. A slight ache in my neck. Dammit. I wish I hadn't done that last night, I really wish I hadn't. Withdrawl had been the hardest part of the last six months, and it had really started to dull. The _need_ for dope had all but disappeared. The want for it, on the other hand, had never left, but I thought I had it under control. What I did last night, as bad of an experience though it may have been, had awakened the beast, so to speak.

I jumped up from the table and dashed for the phone. I needed to get out. I had to call Mary Anne. Soon I would start tapping my fingers and biting my lip, and Mom and Richard will _know_, they've seen it at least twenty times.

Mary Anne picked up her cell phone (I didn't get one) after the first ring.

"Where are you?" I asked quickly, not even waiting for her to finish saying "hello."

"At Kristy's." Mild irritation. Not bad.

"Can you come get me?"

Silence.

"Mary Anne, please. I'm... I'm... I need to be around people right now but Mom will know Mary Anne, she'll know. Please."

"Dawn. I've been drinking."

"_Please._" A little too loud, way too desperate. My eyes welled up with tears. The phone number of my old dealer appeared in my mind.

I heard some shuffling, some muffled voices. Then a new voice. "Dawn?"

"Kristy!" I nearly sobbed her name with gratitude. "Kristy I don't know what you know but I need to be with people right now, good people." The tears spilled over my eyes, and I had lowered my voice to a whisper.

"Don't get yourself in a frenzy." I heard a slight echo. Kristy had taken the phone in the bathoom, it would seem.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. It's not that bad of a need yet, just a dull ache. I'm flipping out over what this might turn in to. "Do you know what it's like, Kristy?"

There was a long pause, and a sigh. "Yeah."

I nodded to myself. I knew it. "I won't tell anyone."

"A lot of people know, actually. My old friends, like that guy last night. That's why I really don't have any friends anymore. Besides you guys, now. And Alan. I guess I would rather them not know."

"Well I don't really know any details. It's not like you couldn't deny it even if I did tell someone." I said with a chuckle.

"It's how I like to keep things. Do you feel better yet?"

"A little."

"What are you going to do?" She asked.

I thought about it for a minute. "I honestly don't know."

"Relax. Put on a movie you love, read a book you love, distract yourself. You don't want to come here, Dawn. Your sister stresses you out too much."

I marveled at her insight. "Thanks, Kristy."

"Call me if you need to talk, okay?"

* * *

I was a little surprised to find myself able to make it through the day. I did what Kristy suggested and watched a few DVD's, I played on the computer a little, I even played with make-up. I tried not to think about it.

Mary Anne came home around nine. I met her in the hall. She passed me wordlessly and I followed her into her room.

"I wanted to say thank you." I said quietly.

Mary Anne made an agitated noise, but didn't say anything.

"I know we don't get along very well," I continued, "but thank you for still being my sister."

"Sure, Dawn. And thank_ you_ for ruining the party for everyone. Thanks for being a drug addict. Thanks for making our family look like shit." Mary Anne practically snarled.

I stood, wide-eyed, not believing what she had just said. I almost expected her to laugh and say "just kidding!"

She turned her back to me and opened her closet.

My eyes filled with tears. I retreated into the hall numbly. I grabbed my purse from my room. Next thing I know I'm standing outside in the dark in front of a house. I'm a little bit surprised to find that it's the house of Aaron Barkley. Aaron is my dealer.

I stood there, with my hands in my pockets, cursing myself. Weak. Am I really this weak? My God. My sister says something mean and I go running to drugs. How pathetic. I am not a weak person... or perhaps I mean I did not used to be. I don't know when it changed. I tried meth for the first time over two years ago at a party with Sunny Winslow. It's not like it's hard to come by. Cocaine is more common in the Orange County school system, but Sunny had tried both and prefered meth. I had changed for good that night... but it was before that that I started to change. The old Dawn would never do such an awful thing to her body.

Sunny. I hadn't spoken to her in months. Last I heard she's been accepted to UCLA. She'd never gone as deep as I did with drugs. She was a recreational user and I, for some reason, could not stop.

Can not stop.

I'm on Aaron's porch now.

Aaron's 28, and basically a nice guy. He has a nice house. It's not a meth lab or anything. He just sells it. Six months ago I told Aaron to never sell to me again. He had sort of laughed and told me good luck. He'd never said he wouldn't.

I rang the bell, my heart thumping in my chest. Would he turn me down? What if he doesn't live here anymore? What if there are cops here? What if...

The door opened, and there he was. He smiled a little. "Hey Dawn."

"Hey." I said, not moving.

"Is everything okay?"

"Not really."

I detected a hint of of sadness on his face, but he moved aside and gestured for me to come in anyway. "It's okay, babe. I'll get you there."

I felt glued to the spot I was in. Am I really going to do this? After all this time? Mary Anne had called me a drug addict. Might as well do what's expected of me, right?

I walked into the house, wondering about my sanity. That logic. Might as well do it if I'm expected to. It makes sense to me in a way. Am I crazy?

Aaron shuts the door behind me, sliding the deadbolt into place. The sound is like a shot. I almost turn and run.

Almost.

I am weak.

I am a drug addict.

I stay.


	6. Chapter 6

Six.

_Mary Anne_

The clock on my car radio says it's ten after three in the morning. I shake my head and take another drag off of my cigarette.

I rarely smoke. Very rarely. In fact, this is the first time I've smoked in about a year. Last time was after the unfortunate prom incident. After I said those things to Dawn, those horrible things, I had tried to go to sleep, but I just needed a cigarette. So I had gone to the only all-night gas station and liquor store in town to buy a pack. That was about an hour ago. Since then I've been driving randomly around town, chainsmoking. I've gone through seven already.

I have asked myself about seventy times why I said the things I did. I can come up with no reasonable explanation, other than being a selfish ass. I wanted Dawn to be as humiliated as I felt. Why am I humiliated? It's not like a lot of people knew what had happened. Just Kristy, Claudia, Stacey, and Alan. The problem is, before that, _nobody_ knew about Dawn's problem. It had been this big dark family secret. I know people suspected, but nobody knew for sure. I would have prefered to keep it that way.

I wish I hadn't said the things to Dawn that I did. I heard her leave. I have a bad feeling about where she went. She's returned an hour later, her curfew, and had gone straight to her room. She'd locked her door. I thought about going downstairs and discussing my theory with Dad and Sharon, but I knew that would be bad. I'm not in the mood for yelling, and I really don't think Dawn would be either, the way I treated her.

I sigh to myself and turn on another random street. I need to go somewhere, talk to somebody, do something. Sleep is obviously not going to happen.

I pass Logan's house and chuckle. Maybe I should stop there and finallly give him a piece of my mind. His bedroom light is on.

I keep going, of course.

Up ahead, nearly a block away, I see someone walking on the sidewalk. As a get closer, I see it's a girl, with long red hair. My stomach drops. No... it can't be.

I pull alongside her and yes, I'm right. I roll down the passenger side window. "Mal!" I call.

Mallory spins toward me, obviously scared. When she sees it's me her face relaxes. Slightly. "Oh! Mary Anne. What are you doing out so late?"

I flicked my cigarette out the driver side window and took another drag, sizing her up. "I was going to ask you the same thing. Come on, get in, I'll take you home."

Mallory hesitated. Guilty conscience. Then she opened the door and slid in.

"So where are you coming from?" I ask. My voice is a little shrill.

"Oh, nowhere. A friends house." She was fidgeting.

"Are you allowed to be out this late?"

"No, I snuck out..." She looked over at me, horrified. "You're not going to tell on me, are you?"

I chuckled. "No, Mal, I'm not going to tell."

"Oh." Mallory relaxed and actually smiled. My confidence faltered. Maybe that was why she'd been so uncomfortable. She thought I would get her in trouble. I should be nicer. Maybe I'm just paranoid. "So why are you out?" She asked.

"I can't sleep." I tossed my cigarette out the window and lit another.

"I didn't know you smoked."

"I don't." I replied, exhaling. "Not usually. Want one?"

Mallory looked surprised, and a little suspicious, like she was being set up. "Uh..."

"It's okay, Mal. I've seen you sneaking off to smoke at school." I held out the pack to her and she lit one silently.

"Thanks," she said, still sounding a little scared.

"Sure. So what kind of friend were you visiting at three in the morning? Guy or girl?" I can do this. I can get it out of her.

"Guy..." She shifted in her seat so she was looking at me. "Mary Anne?"

My heart skipped a beat. Oh God.

"What is it, Mal?" I asked quietly.

She was silent. For a long time. Finally she looked away and said "There's my house."

I pulled to a stop. "So who are you riding with to Sea City?"

"Sea City? Oh!" She forced a laugh. "I almost forgot about it. Only five more days. I don't know who yet."

"Well, we're only taking two cars, Kristy's and Stacey's. Oh, and Alan Gray is coming, too."

"Alan... Gray. Huh. Who's bringing him?"

"Kristy."

"I didn't know guys were going... Kristy? And Alan? Really?"

I laughed, not feeling like explaining it. "Well don't tell your mom, she might not let you come." I wondered why I was saying that. I had not wanted Mallory to come in the first place. Why the change? Maybe I like the idea of knowing where she is, and where Logan is. If my theory is true, which I'm sure it isn't.

Mallory opened her door and stepped out. "Thanks a lot for the ride, Mary Anne. I was kind of scared walking home so late."

"No reason to be scared. It's not like anyone's out to get you."

Mal hesitated, staring at me. Then she shut the door.

Or maybe she does feel guilty.

* * *

I go home after that. I feel drained. I wanted to scream at Mallory. I'm not sure what I know and what I don't know. I know Logan's light was on and Mallory was walking away from his house. I know what I saw at Rosebud a week ago. In court, none of this would hold up. Circumstancial evidence.

I'm considering studying law. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my life quite yet. I know I'm going to Brown in the fall, and that's about it. I have not declared a major. I was so happy to have gone Ivy League, so focused on finishing high school, that I had not thought about my major, or what I wanted to be. Law is at the top of my list, but only for now. I'm interested in family law. I think.

Last month it was vet. The month before I wanted to be an English major. Who knows what it will be next month.

When I get home I go upstairs quickly and knock softly on Dawn's door. I can see her light on and I hear her T.V.

There's some shuffling, and her door cracks open. One blue eye peeks at me from behind the door. "What?"

"I want to talk."

She didn't move.

"Look, I'm sorry. Can we please talk?"

She stood there for a few more long seconds and slowly opened the door. I stepped in and she closed it - and locked it - behind me.

I stood in the middle of her room and looked around. There it was, on her nightstand, in plain sight. A little baggie filled with small white crystals.

Dawn followed my gaze and looked back at me. I examined her face. Her eyes were normal. She wasn't chewing her lip.

"I didn't do it. Yet." She said, reading my mind.

I nodded. "Good."

"Aaron tried to give me some at his house, but I had to get home. So I've just been sitting here, staring at it." She looked back at the baggie. "I don't know what I'm going to do."

"I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it." I said quietly.

"Yes you did."

I sighed. "Maybe a little. But I didn't mean it so... harshly. I just snapped, Dawn. I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I hadn't driven you to this."

"Don't flatter youself. It's not all about you."

I didn't say anything. There I go, being selfish again.

"You've been smoking." Dawn said gently. I was grateful for the subject change.

"Yeah. Told you I feel bad." I cracked a small smile. "I ran into Mallory while I was out."

"Just now? Strange."

"Yeah. I was driving by Logan's house and I saw his light on, then I see Mal walking down the street. I took her home."

Dawn looked irritated. "Mal? And Logan?"

"I have no idea. I couldn't bring myself to ask her. I don't know, it kind of seems that way. Not that I care. To hell with him."

"If he hurts her, too... we'll kill him." Dawn said with a small smile. Dawn is the only person on the planet who knows what Logan did. In fact, this is the most she and I have really spoken since that night.

I'm having a lot of "first time since"'s tonight. "Uhg. I need to stop thinking about that."

"Yeah, I have things I need to stop thinking about, too." Dawn replied.

My eyes went back to the baggie, then the clock next to it. After four. "You hungry?"

"Not really."

"Me either. Do you want to go to Ed's?" Ed's is an all-night diner just outside of town.

Dawn hesitated. "I'll get in trouble."

"No, I'm with you. Come on. Put that crap away, let's go get some bad coffee and pancakes."

Dawn smiled, the first genuine smile I've seen from her in a long time. "Yeah, okay. Let's go."

* * *

I awoke around noon. I smiled to myself, despite the lack of sleep. We'd come home around seven, to surprised parents. I explained breezily that we'd decided to go out to breakfast and they didn't ask questions. They never question me. I could be getting away with murder. They both looked like they were dying to know why Dawn and I were suddenly getting along again, but they didn't ask. They probably don't want to push it.

My cell phone rang. I looked at the display. It was Stacey. I flipped it open. "Hey Stace."

"Hi! Claud and I want to go to Washington Mall... you want to come?"

I stretched and grinned. "I totally need a new bikini."

"Exactly. I'll be there in half an hour, be ready."

I hung up and quickly rushed to the bathroom. I pounded on the opposite door, which leads to Dawn's room. "Wake up! Let's go to the mall!" I called. I was glad to be getting along with my sister again. I want to take full advantage of it.

The door opened. "Mall?" Dawn muttered, her eyes barely open.

"Yeah! You, me, Stacey, and Claudia. Shopping for the trip."

"Mary Anne..." She looked uncomfortable. "After the other night?"

"Don't worry about it. They've probably already forgotten."

Half an hour later we were sitting on the curb waiting. I took my remaining cigarettes out of my purse and lit one without really realizing it.

"Mary Anne!" Dawn exclaimed, looking back at the house. "Mom and your dad are going to see!"

I shrugged. "Let them see. They need to stop trusting me so much." I spied Stacey's truck down the street.

"You don't even smoke!" Dawn still seemed horrified.

I laughed. It feels kind of good to be so unexpected.

Stacey pulled to a stop and the blaring music was turned down. Stacey eyed me. "What," she asked cooly, "is that?"

I threw my cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. "Sometimes you feel like a nut, Stace." I said with a grin.

Stacey forced a smile. "Yeah, well, no nuttiness in the new car. Dawn's coming?"

I frowned. Dawn was standing right beside me. Stacey was acting a little stuck-up.

Or is that how I act, too?

"Yes, my sister is coming." I reply testily. Stacey's smile falters. She knows she pissed me off. I open the back door and who is sitting in the backseat but... Mallory Pike.

I hadn't seen her through the tinted window.

"Mal!" I said. It sounded very forced. "Up pretty early for such a late night."

Mallory gave me a small, uncomfortable smile, and slid over. I glanced at Dawn, who winked at me and got in first so I wouldn't have to sit next to Mallory. When I was in and the door was shut, Dawn patted my leg. "Relax." She murmered. It was barely audible.

Stacey turned up the music again and the three of us remained silent in back and in peace. Stacey and Claudia sang along with the music. Mallory stared out of her window. I stared at Mallory, wondering.

Two weeks in the same house as Mallory is going to be hard.

I want a cigarette.


	7. Chapter 7

Seven.

_Claudia_

I haven't been home in ten days.

We leave for Sea City the day after tomorrow. I'm not even sure if my parents know I'm going. Or if they care. I think Maureen has been talking to them. I can't be sure. I haven't been at Stacey's house for two days. She's been getting a little edgy with me. I think we've been seeing way too much of each other. On sunday when we all went to the mall Stacey was being very odd, not wanting much to do with me, Mary Anne, or Dawn. She and Mallory took off by themselves for most of the trip. _Mallory._ I don't get that at all. So I asked Mary Anne if I could crash at her house, she ran it by her dad and they gave me the okay. I've been staying in Dawn's room. It was a little strange at first, because she has this little bag of drugs that she is doing nothing with, just staring at it. We've been talking a lot. I guess I sort of understand. She says she's testing herself. She wants to be strong. I told her to flush it, but she says she can't. I'm really not sure if she's torturing herself or waiting for the right moment, but at this point I don't mind either. After everything she's told me, I understand why she got in so deep. I mean, I guess I do. I never really tried drugs.

Everyone is downstairs eating dinner. I don't eat dinner with them, because I feel like I'm imposing. Dawn, Mary Anne, Sharon, and Richard have all told me I'm not. It doesn't change how I feel.

I munch on a Snickers and browse the internet on Dawn's computer. I've been looking at apartments for rent in various places. So expensive. With Stacey acting the way she is, I'm not so sure she wants to go through with our plan. I shouldn't have counted on it so much. I mean, I love her to death but Stacey has always been a bit of a flake.

I bring up my Buddy List and see that Stacey is online. Sighing, I send her a message. "Hey, what''s up?" Nothing too fancy.

After a couple minutes Stacey responds that she's busy. I reply asking if she's still going to Sea City. It's a little catty, I know, but I'm actually very curious. She responds instantly, saying of course, and she would be picking us up friday moring at seven.

At least there's that. I want to ask her if she hates me, too, like my parents, but of course I don't. That just sounds like I want her to feel sorry for me. Maybe I do, but I'm not going to ask.

Sighing, I bring up e-mail and type in my mother's address.

_mom._

_i just want you to know im ok. im staying with mary anne. were all going to sea city on fri. for too weeks. i wasnt sure if you knew that._

I tapped my fingers on the desk. Now what? I don't know what to say next.

_do you and dad stil love me?_

God. No. I erased what I had just written.

_im sorry if i have hurt you. i love you._

Better. Short and sweet. I clicked "send" before I could change my mind.

I shut down the computer and made my way to my bed I had made on Dawn's floor. I need a nap.

* * *

I woke up with a start, confused. It was dark outside. How long had I slept?

According to the clock it was one in the morning.

I groaned. Now I'll be up all night.

I noticed Dawn wasn't in bed. I stood up, stretching, and made my way to the bathrrom. The light was on in Mary Anne's room, and I could hear low voices. I opened the door slowly. "Guys?"

"Oh, hey, Claud." Dawn said with a smile. "You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to disturb you."

"I wrote my mom an e-mail. I guess it took a lot out of me." I made my way into the room and sat beside Dawn on the bed. Mary Anne was sitting on her window seat, window propped open, smoking a cigarette, She's been smoking a lot lately. It's so uncharacteristic of her to smoke, but I'm actually getting used to it. Mary Anne has changed a lot, especially over the past year.

"Hi Claud!" said another, slightly garbled voice. I looked around in surprise and Mary Anne held up her cell phone. "It's Kristy, on speaker." She said with a grin.

"We were talking about all going out and doing something." Kristy said from the phone. "I guess nobody can sleep. Although I have no idea what we can all go do at this hour..."

"I told you," Mary Anne said matter-of-factly, "Let's go to Logan's house and see if Mallory is there."

"_No._" Kristy, Dawn, and I all said in unison. I do not know why this girl is so obsessed with what's going on with Logan and Mallory, if there even is anything going on. Personally, I don't think so. Neither are each other's type. And it's illegal.

"Well, let's do _something._ Let's go eat." Dawn put in.

My stomach rumbled. Greasy drive-thru sounds fantastic.

"I am a little hungry." Said Mary Anne's cell phone.

"Then it's settled. Come get us, Kristy."

Kristy agreed and minutes later the three of us crept through to house to the front and sat on the curb. Mary Anne lit another cigarette. I pulled another Snickers from my purse. Dawn twiddled her tumbs, unwilling to fulfill her craving.

"You should take up smoking." Mary Anne told her, eying her restless sister.

"Gross."

I chuckled. Dawn still thinks smoking is gross. After all she's done.

Kristy drives like an insane person, and she was in front of the house in record time. As soon as we were in the car, Mary Anne says "Let's drive by Logan's."

"Mary _Anne_!" Kristy exclaimed. "Will you please shut up about Logan? On the way over here I passed by Pete Black's house. There are, like, twenty cars in front of it." Kristy grinned and looked at Dawn and I in the rearview mirror. "Anyone feel like crashing a party?"

Actually, that sounded like fun. Pete is a very cool guy. I've gone out with him a few times. He'd probably be happy to see us.

When we pulled up to the house, Mary Anne shreiked. "Kristy! You planned on coming here all along!"

"Huh?" Kristy asked, looking a little too innocent.

Mary Anee pointed with her ever-present cigarette. "Alan's here!"

"Oh... is he?"

I looked where Mary Anne was pointing and saw Alan's car.

"You witch! You lied!' Mary Anne accused. She was being playful.

"Well, Alan did mention he was going out tonight... it's not like we're married or anything. He can do what he wants." Kristy said with a grin.

"Kristy, Kristy, Kristy... checking up on your boyfriend. It must be love." I teased.

"He is _not_ my boyfriend. We're dating." She was still grinning.

Dawn finally spoke up. "So we're acting like we just happened upon the party and had no idea Alan's here, right?"

"Right." Kristy said, opening her door. We all got out, and from the front porch Pete exclaimed "Girls!"

I approached first. "We were driving by and wondered why we weren't invited!" I said with a grin.

Pete embraced me, then gave me a slightly-too-lingering kiss on the lips. Drunk. "Thank God you did. This place is a sausage-fest, babe." He dropped his hands from my shoulders to my waist and left them there. I miss Pete every now and then, so I really don't mind.

Kristy was looking around, pretending to be nonchalant. "What's up, Pete?"

"I'm tired of listening to your damn boyfriend talk about you, that's what's up." Pete lowered his voice. "Between us, Kristy... that guy really needs to get laid."

Kristy blushed. I laughed. Dawn and Mary Anne looked disgusted.

"Anyway, Alan's in my living room, probably boring some guy to suicide about how much he _loves_ you." Pete said teasingly. Kristy was turning purple. She rushed inside, Dawn and Mary Anne in tow.

"So how's your party?" I asked. Gotta say something.

"Boring. It's hard to get word out without school, you know? A bunch of guys show up and no girls." He tightened his arms around me. "So glad you showed."

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" I asked.

"What, Grace? Naw, she's too good for me. I know because she told me so."

"Awww..." I loosened up a little. No wonder he was being so flirty. He'd really liked Grace Blume. He'd claimed he'd seen a side of her nobody else knew. Guess he was wrong. "I'm sorry, Pete..."

"At least I've got you." He said in that stupid drunken way guys do. "My Claudia." He lowered his lips to mine and I let him kiss me. It was sloppy and wet, a little gross, but I feel sorry for him so I let it happen.

"Ahem."

I pull away from Pete and find Mary Anne standing off the the side, a cigarette in one hand and a plasic cup in the other. I grin sheepishly and Mary Anne smiles and shakes her head. "Pete?" I said.

"Mmm?" Pete's eyes were half closed.

"Pete why don't you go sit down for a while?"

"Yeah, probably..." he murmered, stumbling into the house.

I look at Mary Anne. "I have them passing out by the dozen."

She laughed loudly. "I didn't know you and Pete were still..." she trailed off.

"Only once in a great while. Pete get's his heart broken and for some reason needs to sleep with me. It's stupid of me to do it, but I have such a soft spot for him..."

"You've slept with him?"

Whoops. Mary Anne and I may be close, but I've made it a rule never to discuss sex with her. She's too innocent. Damn. "Well, yeah. I have. Since the last time we were dating."

She looked at me quizzically. "Why did I think you were a virgin?"

Yikes. "I never wanted to tell you, to be honest. I know how you get about sex."

She was silent for a few moments. Then - "Is Stacey still a virgin?"

I laughed. "Stacey? Of course. You know how she is. Nobody is good enough. With the exception of Johnny Depp."

Mary Anne looked very serious. "How strange. I always thought I could never talk about it because you guys would think I was gross or something."

"You can talk about sex, Mary Anne. It's really okay."

"That's not what I... meant." She looked out at the street for a few moments. I didn't push her. I don't really know how. I have no idea what she could be talking about.

She snapped out of it and drained her cup. "Let's go get a drink!" She exclaimed, grabbing my hand and pulling me in the door.

It's funny. A week ago I thought I knew all these people so well. Now I feel like I'm about to spend two weeks with a bunch of strangers. In the house I found Pete passed out on his couch, so I snuck to his room and left him a note inviting him to come visit in Sea City. I even left him the address and the phone number of the house. If Alan could come, so could Pete.


	8. Chapter 8

Eight.

_Stacey_

"Just ride with Kristy and Alan!" I exclaimed, looking at my watch. It's already nine. We were supposed to be on the road two hours ago.

Mary Anne wrinkled her nose. "But... what if they... want to do stuff?"

I rolled my eyes. Only pure, innocent Mary Anne could have such an imagination. "Mary Anne, you are _not_ smoking in my car!"

"But I'll keep it out the window!" She whined for the six-hundreth time. She just doesn't want to ride with them because Kristy's back seat is tiny. For some reason, the option of not smoking is impossible. I don't know about this girl these days.

"No." I raised my voice. "_Where_ is Alan? I want to leave already."

Kristy shrugged at me and Mary Anne walked away in a huff. Toward Kristy's car. Thank God. I glanced at Mallory, who gave me a small, relieved smile. She had not been looking forward to such a long ride sitting next to Mary Anne. It's understandable. Mary Anne is acting like a psycho. I mean, honestly, she's all but accused Mallory outright of sleeping with her ex. I happen to know she isn't. She told me.

A horn honked, and Alan Gray's truck appeared in the driveway. It's about time...

"Finally!" I ran to my truck, where Claudia and Dawn were both sound asleep in the back seat, Claudia still in pajamas and Dawn in a bikini top and sweatpants. They're just not morning people. Alan threw a duffle bag into Kristy's trunk and she handed him her keys. That's kind of cute, actually. How... couplish. Mary Anne made a big show of putting the passenger seat forward and squeezing into the back. Mallory rolled her eyes at me and slid into my passenger seat.

"When did Mary Anne turn into such a drama queen?" Mal asked me.

I shook my head. Mary Anne had _never_ been a drama queen. She's also never been a smoker. I can't put my finger on what's different about her lately. When we were in school she was all about... well, school. Always with the homework and projects and clubs and studying. Maybe she's just letting loose, finally.

I started my car and glanced quickly at Mallory, wondering if she thought I was taking sides or something. That she had the guts to say something bad about Mary Anne to me, even something not that bad like calling her a drama queen in front of me, that worried me. Am I acting like I don't like Mary Anne?

Briefly I wonder if Mallory feels she needs a friend in me because of Logan, but I put that out of my mind. I had asked her outright, and she had told me outright. There was nothing going on between the two. Mallory isn't a liar.

We drove in silence for about fifteen minutes, and I got bored. "Mal, why didn't you bring any of your friends?"

She looked up from the magazine she was reading. Four years ago that would have been a book involving a horse of some sort. "Friends?" She asked, her voice a little strained.

"Yeah, the people you hang out with at school? You have a lot of friends, why didn't you bring one?"

Mallory frowned. "My friends are so immature. I prefer people who are a little older. Like you guys." She smiled, and something in that smile made me uncomfortable.

"Well, don't you have a boyfriend?"

"I don't want to talk about him."

We fell into silence, the only sound being a soft snore from Claudia. I briefly wished I had let Mary Anne ride along. Mallory the mysterious, Claudia the sleepy, and Dawn the addict were not fun company. I wonder if Dawn brought drugs. So help me, if she did, and I get pulled over...

My cell phone rang. The display says Kristy.

"Alan wants to stop and eat."

"We _just_ got on the road! We're never going to get there!" I exclaimed loudly, persuading a "Shut up!" from the back seat. Not sure who said it.

"Stacey, chill, we've got two weeks. We're stopping for breakfast." Kristy hung up and I glared at my phone. She's so damn bossy.

* * *

I rubbed my neck, tempted to ask Claudia to take over driving. We were in Jersey, finally, but still have a ways to go. This is by far the furthest I've ever driven.

Claudia and Dawn were talking in low voices in the back seat. I had the radio on, so I couldn't really listen to the conversation. All I could see in the rearview was Dawns head bobbing when she nodded. Mallory had traded her magazine for her Ipod. I wonder how she got it. With so many kids, Mr. and Mrs. Pike weren't really able to treat their family to such expensive gifts. So I tap Mal on the shoulder.

"When did you get the Ipod?" I asked her when she removed one of the ear buds.

"Last week. L--" She stopped short. Alarms rang in my head. L? "It was a gift," She continued carefully. "From my boyfriend."

"Oh. That was nice of him!" It must have sounded so fake. I don't know if that was a simple stutter or a major slip-up, but Mallory _has_ to know what I'm thinking.

I glance in the rearview again and wish Claudia were the one sitting next to me. I don't know why she went to stay with the Spiers all of a sudden. She didn't say much when she did, just threw her stuff into her bag and said she'd be staying with Mary Anne for a while. I didn't argue with her. It's kind of nice having my room to myself. I enjoy my privacy.

Dawn bursts into laughter, and again I wonder about drugs. What if she's high right now?

I turn down my stereo. "Hey, Dawn?"

She meets my eyes in the mirror. "Yeah?"

There's no polite way to ask, so I just do it. "You don't have any drugs with you, right? Because if I get pulled over..."

Dawn looks shocked. From beside me, Mallory's mouth forms an "O" as well. I can't see Claudia, but the next thing I hear is her voice.

"Stacey, just drive the car and shut up, you tactless bitch."

Stunned, I glance at Mallory, who is now looking away from me. In the mirror, Dawn is still staring at me, challenging me to have a comeback.

I say nothing. I don't know what I possibly _can_ say. Claudia and I have had our tiffs, sure, but she had never, ever spoken to me that way before. I have no idea why she would, especially for Dawn, of all people. It was a simple, and may I add, _logical_ question. Dawn was an addict and had been for some time. Mary Anne had said so herself.

I opened my mouth to say this, then thought better. We all had to live together for two weeks, there was no sense in fighting. So I plastered a smile on my face and met Dawns eyes once again. "I'm sorry, Dawn. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I don't know what I was thinking. I think maybe my blood sugar is a little low or something."

Dawn gave me a weak smile but said nothing. I wish I could see Claudia.

I looked forward and drove. The car was silent for a good ten minutes, until the tinny sound of the Beatles filled the void. Claudia's cell phone ringing.

"Hi, Pete!" She exclaimed into the phone. I raised my eyebrows. Pete? The only time I have ever had a negative thought about Claudia is when it comes to Pete. He says jump, and she goes to bed with him. They've been doing that for two years now. I disapprove because Claudia is letting herself be used, and not only does she know it but she seems to _like _it.

"Tomorrow?" Claudia is saying. "That's awesome! How long are you staying?"

I clench my jaw, stopping myself from butting in to the conversation to ask what's going on.

"No, no, it's totally cool. You can sleep with me, hahaha! Okay, Pete, I'll talk to you tomorrow.. Okay. Bye!"

Oh my GOD I want to know what that was about. Is Pete coming to Sea City? I strain to listen as Claudia and Dawn resume their low talking, but I cannot hear them. If Pete is coming, what am I going to do? I'm the one who's known for always having a guy on her arm, and I'm going alone, but Claudia and _Kristy_ are bringing men? Not that Alan Gray is or ever will be a man...

My only hope is that we end up next door to a house full of hot guys.

I see our exit coming up, and move up to pass Alan so I can lead the way into town. Mallory is the only one who remembers how to get to the house. As I pass, I smile, because Kristy is asleep with her face plastered against the window, mouth open. I point this out to the girls and everyone laughs. The mood in the car lightens. We're almost there!

"Okay, make a left." Mallory says as we exit the freeway. "You're going to drive through downtown."

I did as she said and was instantly hit with a wave of nostalgia. I haven't been here in four years and remember it as being magical. The sidewalks are thick with tourists, all in bathing suits, all smiling.

I love this town.

I find the house easily, and it's just as I remember it. Right on the beach, huge, adorable. I pulled into the driveway and look back at Dawn and Claudia. They're grinning widely. Good. I hope our little fight is forgotten.

We all scramble out of the car even as Alan is pulling up behind us. Kristy is still knocked out against the window. Mary Anne squeezes out of the back seat and lights a cigarette. I watch her silently as she makes her way across the driveway. Next door, is a house that is much smaller, where the Barretts once stayed. A guy, maybe twent-two, is standing on the porch with a cigarette in his mouth. I can't hear the conversation but Mary Anne starts talking to him. Mary Anne talking to a guy she never met in her life. Wow.

"Oh my lord!" Claudia exclaims. "This place is exactly the same! Remember when the hurricane came through..."

I tune out, watching Mary Anne. She is now approaching me, a huge smile on her face.

"Stacey, guess what!" She exclaims giddily. "That guy I just talked to, he and his friends are here for, like, a month. He said it's him and four other guys. His name is Trent. Anyway, he said they're having a barbeque tonight and that we should all come! Isn't that cool? We made friends already!"

I glance over at the house, at Trent, who is shirtless, muscular, and tan. Hot.

A house full of hot guys.

I smile at Mary Anne. "That," I tell her, "is awesome."


	9. Chapter 9

Nine.

_Kristy_

"Kristy?"

"Mmmph." Picking my head up, I opened my eyes slowly... God, my neck...

Alan is smiling at me from the drivers seat. "We're here."

I blinked and looked around. We were parked in a driveway in front of a house. I smelled the ocean. "Wow... that was fast." I said, pulling down the sun visor to check my makeup in the mirror. I wiped a smudge of mascara from my cheek and smiled back at Alan.

"Well, you slept most of the way." He got out of the car and I followed suit. I looked around. Mary Anne was sitting on the porch steps smoking a cigarette. I decided to join her.

"Sleep well?" She asked with a smile as I sat next to her. I made a face at her and lit my own cigarette, watching Alan unload my trunk. "I met one of our neighbors," Mary Anne said from beside me. "This guy Trent? Him and a bunch of his guy friends are staying there..."

Alan set the bags he was holding down and pulled his shirt off. He looks good without a shirt. He has this tattoo of a girl on his right shoulder. The girl's almost nude, but I actually think it's pretty sexy on him. He picked up the bags again and headed toward us, winking at me as he walked past.

"...fun. Don't you think?"

I shook myself out of my trance. "Huh?"

"Kristy! Were you even listening?"

"Something about the guy next door."

Mary Anne sighed. "They want us to come over for a barbeque tonight. Sounds like fun, right?"

"Sure."

"You're really falling for him, aren't you?" Mary Anne asked quietly.

I looked into Mary Anne's eyes. It's amazing, after so long, after all that changed, that she still knows me so well. I decided to be honest. "Yeah, I guess I am."

She grinned. "I love it." She stabbed out her cigarette. I did the same, and we headed toward my car to get the last of the bags. Only one of mine and Mary Anne's stuff remained.

As we entered the house I called out. "Alan? Where's my stuff?"

"Back here!" He called. I followed his voice and found him in the first room in the hall. My bags he had brought in were on the bed. So was his duffle bag he was digging through. I cocked my head.

"Huh." Was all I could think to say.

Alan looked up and smiled. "What?" He asked.

"Are you... staying in here, too?"

He looked down at his bag, and back up at me. "It crossed my mind."

Honestly, I had been thinking the same thing, but wasn't about to tell him that. "Huh." Was all I said.

He looked at me seriously. "If you don't want me to..."

"No, no, I mean, your stuff's already here." God, I'm an idiot. Blushing, I made my way past him to the dresser. He quickly snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me to him.

"I'm not making you uncomfortable, am I?" He asks in a barely audible whisper.

I touched my cheek to his bare chest. "No." I whisper back, letting my lips touch his skin softly.

Alan tensed and tightened his arms around me, running one hand slowly up my back. I look up into his eyes and he's leaning down--

"Guys! Beach time! Let's go!" Stacey called as she walked down the hall.

Alan groaned. I sighed and pulled away from him. "Sorry." I don't know why I'm apologizing. Maybe because she's my friend.

"It's okay. Really." It didn't sound okay. "But if that's going to happen every time we..." He didn't finish. I understand. I don't quite know what to call these little moments that keep getting inturrupted myself.

"It won't." I stood on my tiptoes and gave him a peck on the lips. "I need to change into my bathing suit anyway."

Alan didn't move.

I stared at him. "Alan?"

"Yeah?" He asked with a grin.

"Get out."

He laughed. "It was worth a shot..." He said, heading for the door. "I'll see you on the beach."

I shook my head as he walked away. Funny, I think if maybe he had put up a little fight I probably would have just changed in front of him. As I change, I wonder (okay, daydream) about what would have happened if Stacey hadn't inturupted. I kind of want to wait with Alan, as far as sex goes. I've made the mistake of too much too soon in the past. On the other hand, one more moment like we just had and we're both liable to explode.

I put on a bikini - black with tiny pink dots - and check myself in the mirror. I brush my hair. It's getting really long. I had it permed six months ago and now it's relaxed to slight waves. I put on my big Chanel sunglasses - another Watson perk - and study myself. I still wonder how I've changed so much. This girl in the mirror with long blonde hair, big sunglasses, and a push-up bikini causing much cleavage is so much different from who I used to be. Sometimes I miss the old Kristy, but then I look at myself like this and I feel gorgeous.

I tie a black sarong around my waist and prepare to make my entrance. Or exit, I suppose, since I'm leaving the house.

I make my way out slowly, taking in the sight of my friends on the beach. Mary Anne, Stacey, and Mallory were crowded under an umbrella. Mary Anne was attempting to slather herself in SPF 50 while holding a cigarette. Stacey was waving away smoke and tuning a portable radio. Mallory was reading a magazine and bobbing her head to an Ipod, oblivious to it all. Claudia, Dawn, and Alan were a few feet away in the sun. Dawn was already stretched out and ready for her tan, Claudia was opening a bag of cookies, and Alan was watching me.

I watched Alan as I came out of the shadow of the porch. First his mouth opened a little... then a little more...

Awesome. Just the effect I wanted. I sat next to him in the sand.

"Wow." He told me, nodding approvingly.

"Thanks." I said with a grin.

* * *

Later Mary Anne, Alan, Stacey and I were inside, hanging out in the kitchen. Mary Anne and Stacey had gone to the little grocery store in town to stock up on food, and Mary Anne was now cutting up potatoes for a salad. She was killing two birds with one stone - being polite by bringing something to the barbeque and ensuring that Dawn and Stacey had something they could eat. She's always thinking of everyone else.

Stacey was sitting on the counter crunching on a celery stick, raving about this guy Trent. I had not seen him yet, but apparently Stacey ran into him on the way in and, according to her, sparks were flying. Mary Anne was not taking her eyes off the potatoes and shaking her head occasionally. Uh-oh. Stacey had zeroed in a a guy Mary Anne had hoped to hit it off with, looks like. I want to say something to Stacey but I know Mary Anne would kill me, so I keep my mouth shut.

Alan is sitting across from he at the kitchen table. He's still wearing his sunglasses, leaning back in the chair, arms crossed. I know his eyes are closed behind those sunglasses. The trip down plus a day in the sun must have worn him out.

"Maybe I should sleep with him." Stacey said suddenly. I don't know if the girl thinks out loud, wants attention, or just doesn't care, but she sure is up front these days.

I glanced at Mary Anne, who seemed to have no reaction to Stacey's declaration. She must be used to the outlandish crap that comes out of Stacey's mouth. "Stace," I say carefully. "You don't even know him."

She shrugged. "Yeah, but he's really cute, and he seems nice. I'm eighteen, it's about time already, you know?"

How do you answer that? "I thought you were waiting for Tom Cruise?" Was all I could think to say. When in doubt, make a joke.

Stacey wrinkled her nose. "That was a long time ago. I'm much more in to Johnny Depp now."

"Well I haven't seen Trent yet, but I'm willing to bet he looks nothing like Johnny."

"Mmmm." Stacey replied. It was pointless, I'd lost her.

Alan sat up suddenly. "I can't take this anymore, I'm going to lay down." He was looking at me. I can't see his eyes but he's raising one eyebrow. He wants me to with him. I shake my head. He shrugged and stood up, tugging my hair as he walked by.

"Why didn't you go with him?" Stacey asked in a low voice when he was out of earshot.

"I'm not tired." I answer simply. Last thing I need is Stacey broadcasting my business.

Mary Anne dumped the potatoes in a pot of water. "I doubt he was thinking about sleep." She said with a grin. Good. She's cheering up.

"He can think all he wants." I stood up, not wanting to talk about this. "Are you done, Mary Anne? Let's go back outside for a while."

She wiped her hands and followed me to the front porch. I flopped into a chair and lit a cigarette. Mary Anne did the same. Stacey came out of the house, made a face, but sat down anyway. "I wish you guys wouldn't smoke so much."

"You could always go back out on the beach," I replied, gesturing to Dawn, Claudia, and Mallory.

"No..." Stacey looked uncomfortable. "Dawn and Claudia are pissed at me. I said something kind of stupid."

What else is new? "What did you say?"

"It... it was just stupid. Oh, hey, I think Pete Black is coming tomorrow. I heard Claudia talking to him on the phone."

Claudia was inviting more people? She could have at least told me. I'm the one paying for this trip... well, Watson is. I'm the one with the money. I must look irritated because Stacey sat back looking as if she regretted telling me that. She also looked a little smug.

Does Stacey always play these little games? I wish she would buzz off so I could ask Mary Anne.

"Hi, girls." A male voice called out. Approaching the steps was a very good looking guy in his early twenties. He stepped on to the porch and held out his hand to me. "Hi, I'm Trent. I'm one of your neighbors."

I shook his hand. "I'm Kristy."

"Nice to meet you, Kristy. Hey, Mary Anne." He said, smiling warmly at her.

"Hi, Trent!" Stacey said in a chokingly sweet, flirty voice.

"Oh, hey Stacey. So you guys are all coming, right?"

"I'm making a potato salad." Mary Anne replied with a smile.

"Awesome, I can't wait to try it. We're going to fire up the grill around seven, but come early, there's plenty of beer."

He was looking at Mary Anne the entire time he spoke. Stacey was attempting to adjust her cleavage, leaning forward to show it off.

The girl doesn't know when she's lost.


	10. Chapter 10

Ten.

_Dawn_

I was sitting in a lawn chair, staring at the ocean, a plate of Mary Anne's potato salad in my lap. Occasionally I pick at it, but I'm not hungry.

Goddamn Stacey.

It really hurt, what she had said to me. What had hurt even more is that she had been right. I had spent the rest of the trip trying not to cry, and had been so bottled up by the time we got there I had simply needed a release. I had marched into my room, put my bags down, dug it out of my purse, and I did one line. Just one. That's not much. Not enough to send me on a frenzy. Just enough to make me forget how much I wanted it... but it wore of long ago. Now I _really_ want it.

So I've just been sitting here, watching the party, not really talking to anyone.

Weak weak weak.

I was watching Mary Anne, mostly. She'd been standing ahead and to the left of me with that Trent guy for about forty-five minutes. She was drunk. It's not incredibly obvious, but Trent had a bottle of something sitting on the ground by his feet and was prompting her to drink from it every few minutes. She was starting to touch him, be a little flirty, and that's how I know she's drunk.

Mary Anne suddenly turned away from Trent and came toward me, stumbling a bit on the first step. When she go to me she grabbed my hand and yanked me out of the chair. "Bathroom!"

I had no choice but to follow, she wouldn't let go of my hand. She took me to our house. "I don't wanna go in the boys bathroom. Yuck." She said with a slight slur. She barreled into the bathroom and sat on the toilet without shutting the door.

I stood against the doorframe and looked at the wall. "So you like that guy, huh?"

"Dawn... he's SO hot. No guy that looked like that ever liked me before." I heard the toilet flush and gave her a moment before I looked at her again. She was standing at the mirror, adjusting her bikini top. She looked at me. "What do you think of him?"

"Oh, he's cute, that's for sure. Just don't do anything too rash."

She pursed her lips, thoughtful. "Can I be honest?"

"Of course."

"I kind of want to sleep with him. Just do it, you know? have a fling while I'm here. Get it over with. Maybe that's the best thing I can to to forget about..." She trailed off.

I hate drunk logic. "Well," I said carefully, "maybe not. Your first time is going to be very emotional for you, Mary Anne. I think you should be with someone you truly care about."

"Yeah, but if I do it while I'm drunk, I'll forget all that and just have fun."

In a very, very screwed up way, that makes sense. "You have to think about tomorrow." I pointed out. It was a very un-me thing to say.

Mary Anne caught that. Her face turned serious. "I know you did it today."

Damn.

"I can tell, Dawn. Were you thinking about tomorrow?"

I hung my head. "No."

Mary Anne smiled and hugged me. "Don't worry," She said, "I'm not going to lecture you or anything while I'm drunk. In fact, I'm going to forget it happened. Poof! Gone."

I hugged her back tightly. "Thanks, Mary Anne. I'm not going to lecture you, either. You know what?" I said as she pulled away. "We're here to have fun. Let's make a promise to eachother that we're not going to dwell on stupid mistakes for the next two weeks. And if one of us does, the other gets to slap her."

Mary Anne giggled. "I promise. Do you?"

"I promise."

She giggled again and hooked her arm through mine as we headed outside. "Aren't we, like, the best sisters ever?"

"Of course we are. We're--"

Mary Anne stopped walking suddenly. I followed her gaze.

Trent was standing in the same spot. Standing on tippy-toe and whispering in his ear was Stacey McGill.

Mary Anne's grip on my arm tightened. "Dawn... she's been doing that all day. She knows I like him, Dawn, she fucking knows it..."

I was taken aback. She doesn't use that word often. A half a second later and I forgot, feeling only white-hot anger toward Stacey. Stacey could have any guy she wanted. Why did she have to go after the one my sister likes?

"Okay... okay." I said though gritted teeth. "I have a plan. Let's go. Act casual."

Mary Anne followed me.

"When we get to them, go to his other side and put your arm around his waist." Stacey was done whispering, and was now simply giggling and standing too close. "If she doesn't get the hint, ask Trent for another drink. After you drink it... are you ready to be bold?"

Mary Anne nodded. She was pissed.

"Okay, you're going to whisper in Trent's ear that you want to kiss him. I can tell he's into you, so he'll do it..."

"Dawn?" She muttered. We were only five feet away.

"Yeah?"

"Are you insane?"

I almost laughed. "Just do it. Remember how mad you are. Imagine how mad she's _going _to be." I said quietly.

We arrived. "Hi Stacey!" I said in an overly sweet voice.

Mary Anne smiled big at Trent and slipped her arm around his waist. Stacey noticed this and back away, but only about an inch. Mary Anne would have to go for gold.

"So Stace, isn't it just awesome here?" I asked her as Mary Anne whispered something to Trent. He picked up the bottle.

"Yeah... it's great. Just like I remember it." Stacey was looking at me like I was insane.

"I think it's even better." Mary Anne was whispering in Trents ear again. I kept Stacey focused on me. "So what are you doing tomorrow?"

"I don't know--" She said as Trent turned to Mary Anne and layed one on her.

"Oh, hmmm." I said to Stacey in a low voice. "I think we should leave these two alone."

Stacey glanced over and her eyes nearly fell out of her head. The look on her face was priceless. She looked back at me.

I put a serious look on my face. "Say what you want to me, but don't even mess with my sister." I said in a low voice.

Stacey's face held a range of emotion, from shock to fury to hurt. She simply walked away. I watched her as she ended up next to Mallory.

In front of me, Trent and Mary Anne were still at it. Apparently she forgot it was all an act.

Shaking my head, I returned to my lawn chair, only to find it occupied by one of the guys from the house. I checked him out before he noticed me. He was staring at the ocean, but his hands were drumming on his knees. He eyes were large and glassy.

You can always spot them.

Before I could stop myself, I approached him and put a flirty smile on my face. "You stole my seat," I said.

* * *

Four hours, a blur of speed and alcohol, and an insane makeout session later, I stumbled through the front door of our house. As I passed the kitchen I noticed Claudia sitting at the table with Kristy. They were eating Oreo's. I turned into the kitchen. "Hey guys!" I said brightly. "You're up late!"

"It's only midnight, Dawn..." Kristy looked me over. I must be a mess. "Where have_ you_ been?"

I giggled and sat down. "That guy I was talking to... I think his name is Mike. Anyway he invited me in to watch a movie with him."

"Uh huh. Among other things, right?"

"Right!" I laughed. There was no point in hiding it from Kristy. She knew damn well what I'd been up to. And Claudia is cool. "I had fun."

"Well I suppose that's what counts..." Kristy trailed off.

"We _are_ on vacation. I think we should leave Dawn alone." Claudia put in. See? Cool.

Kristy nodded. "Just be careful, okay? If I notice you gone for too long I'm coming after you."

Claudia gave Kristy a funny look but didn't ask her to elaborate. I got the hint. Sometimes when you're on speed you can disappear for days at a time. Kristy wouldn't let me. That's a good thing. "I'm being careful, I'm being good." I said with another grin. I jumped up. "Where is everyone? It's, like, early."

"Alan's in the shower, Stacey and Mallory both took off in Stacey's car like three hours ago, and I haven't seen your sister for a while either. Last I saw she was attached to Trent at the lips." Kristy informed me.

Oh, no. I'd forgotten about Mary Anne. "Shit!" I said. "I need your phone, I've got to call her."

"She'll be okay, Dawn." Claudia reassured me.

"Please? I just have to check on her, okay?"

Claudia handed me her phone and I dialed Mary Anne. On the fouth ring she answered, sounding asleep.

"Mary Anne! Is everything okay?"

"Mmmhmmm." She replied sleepily.

"Did you..." I looked at Claudia and Kristy and decided to be discreet. "Did you do what we talked about?"

"Mmmm mmm."

"No?" I couldn't be sure.

"No..." She managed to croak.

"Oh... good. Are you coming home?"

Mary Anne inhaled and exhaled loudly. "Don't wanna get up." She replied, sounding slightly more coherent. Then she giggled. "Trent's naked."

God. She _must_ still be drunk. I don't think Mary Anne would ever find that funny sober. "Why!" I exclaimed. "You said--"

"I _didn't_. I think... I think he was stripping or something. I don't know, I don't remember." I heard a thump and Mary Anne drew a sharp breath. "Ow... let me just find my top and I'll come home."

"Your top--" I said, alarmed. But she had already hung up. Kristy and Claudia stared at me like dogs staring at a steak.

"What about her top?" Kristy asked, both aghast and excited.

"She couldn't find it. She's coming home right now, we'll see."

Kristy jumped up. "I'm going to smoke!" She called. Claudia followed her eagerly. I did, too. If Mary Anne was going to come home topless, I had to see.

Kristy lit her cigarette and I spotted Mary Anne coming out the front door. We could see her clearly in the moonlight, and she was wearing a large white shirt. Probably Trents.

She grinned as she approached us, and when she started up the steps, stumbled and fell. She burst out laughing. We all did. Claudia helped her up and we all observed the same thing at once. She was holing her bikini top in her hands.

"I see you found your top. Where was it?" Kristy asked, never discreet.

"Under Trent's bed. I didn't do_ anything, _I swear I didn't." Mary Anne was turning beet red. She may be drunk but she still knows what shy is.

"Obviously her top fell off without her knowing." Came a voice from the doorway. Mary Anne looked at Alan and burst out laughing.

"Yes," She said, "That is exactly what happened."


	11. Chapter 11

Eleven.

_Mary Anne_

Kristy could not stop yawning.

It was maybe three hours after I got home. Claudia had gone to bed, as well as Alan. Stacey and Mallory had come rolling in about two hours ago, ignoring us as they entered the house. Kristy, Dawn and I remained on the porch, talking occasionally, but mostly staring out at the waves. Kristy started yawning about an hour ago, but made no move to go to bed.

I'm starting to get a headache. My buzz wore off long ago. I'm actually craving another drink... it would probably stop my head from hurting.

Kristy stiffled another yawn and looked over at me. "So," she said casually, "what'd you do with Trent?"

This is about the eighth time she's asked. I made a face at her and didn't answer.

I would be more than happy to kiss and tell if I could actually remember what happened. Before my cell phone woke me up the last thing I remember was Trent laughing and dancing while he took his shirt off. He was doing a striptease. And that's it. I don't remember his shorts coming off and I _certainly_ don't know how my top ended up on the floor. I _do_ know I didn't sleep with him.

At least there's that.

I thought about what I had said to Dawn in the bathroom earlier. It was stupid drunk logic, but it did still make a little sense to me. I like drinking because I'm a very uptight person and it just relaxes me. I think I would rather be able to relax and enjoy myself and deal with all the emotional stuff later. Logan messed up my head pretty bad as far as sex goes, I'm a logical enough person to admit that. If I do it for the first time in a rational state of mind I'll end up crying and freaking whatever poor guy it happens to be with.

Then there's Stacey.

I don't know what she is up to. She had to have known I kind of liked Trent. I don't understand why she would try to steal him from me. Or could it be possible she just had blinders on? Stacey can be a little airheaded at times. I love her, I really do, but she can be. She's very smart, but she also says rude things and doesn't seem to realize it. Stacey's little brain farts are something I've learned to put up with and ignore over the past few years. I also don't get why she's hanging out with Mallory all of a sudden. Stacey knows what I think Mallory is doing... is Mallory trying to take my friend as well as my ex?

I've stopped talking about Mallory and Logan. Everyone was starting to look at me like I was crazy or something. I have not stopped thinking about it. I know there is something going on there, and now I kind of want to prove it so everyone stops thinking I'm a nut.

Kristy yawned again, loudly this time. Dawn sighed. "Kristy, go to bed."

"Nah."

"Then go sleep on the couch, you're driving me insane. Are you actually scared of sleeping in the same bed as Alan Gray?"

Kristy slumped down in her seat, frowning. "No. I'm not scared. I'm... nervous."

"Why be nervous?" I asked her. "He's dead asleep."

She shrugged. "I--" She started, then stopped suddenly, rethinking what she was going to say. "He's getting antsy. Already. I can see it. I think the two of us sleeping in the same bed kind of tells him that I'm willing to have sex with him." She stopped again. "Which I am. But I want to wait. Sort of."

Dawn shook her head. "Never thought I would see the day Kristy Thomas would be so unsure about things."

"Oh, you should have seen me a year ago..." She muttered. We waited for her to elaborate, but she didn't.

Dawn stood up. "Well I don't know about you two, but I'm going to bed. The hour is insane."

I glanced at my cell phone in my lap. Three twenty six a.m. Yikes. My head throbbed. "Actually... " I said, giving Kristy a guilty look, "sleep sounds pretty good."

Kristy nodded. "It's okay, I'm exhausted. I'll just go... he probably won't even know I'm there." She gave a forced chuckle. I smiled at her wearily.

My head pounded.

Sleep. It will do me good.

* * *

I awoke with a start, confused. The bright sunlight filled my head and I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut again. Why did I wake up?

I covered my head with the comforter and attempted to go back to sleep. Until I heard it.

The quiet, muffled ring of my cell phone.

I sat up again, squinting against the harsh light. Throwing off the blanket I listened carefully, and zeroed in on the floor. It has to be under Trents shirt.

Trents shirt. God. Groaning, I lifted the shirt gingerly and found my phone nestled in on of the cups of my bikini top. The display says "Daddy," and I groan again.

"Hi, Dad." I answer unenthusiastically.

"Hi, sweetie. Did I wake you?"

"Yeah... _yes._ What time is it?"

"A little after seven."

Sometimes I'm positive my father has forgotten what it's like to be young. "Seven, huh?" I say a little sarcastically.

"Late night?"

"You don't want to know. So what's up?"

"I just wanted to check up on you girls. Is Dawn behaving?"

Dawn is not my baby-sitting charge. "Of course she is." I lie, because lying to my father has become so easy.

"Good. I'll let you get some sleep. Sharon may call later to talk to Dawn. I've got work to do--"

And he was gone. I rolled my eyes and set my phone on the nightstand. The only reason he had called was to ask that single question about Dawn, and he, of course, trusted my answer completely. Sometimes I feel like walking up to my father with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other just to see if he'd notice.

I rolled out of bed and dug through my suitcase. I'm up, might as well start the day. I removed a tight pink tank top and jean shorts. Stripping out of my nightclothes, I thought about Trent, and what I did. Bits and pieces flash to me. Trent jumping on the bed with me after his striptease, Trent kissing me on the bed, Trent untying my bikini behind my neck... nothing too terrible. I have a feeling we both passed out not long after that.

I make my way to the kitchen where I discover, not shockingly, that nobody else is awake. I put on a pot of coffee and step out to the porch for a cigarette. Every time I open a new pack I swear to myself it will be my last, but I keep buying new ones. I'm amazed at how quickly I've become a smoker.

I half-expect to find Kristy still sitting out there, but thankfully she isn't. Sitting down, I take the opportunity to stretch and wake up. Just as I'm bending over to touch my toes, I hear the crash of glass bottles from next door. I look over and spot Trent piling bags into the trash can. He's dressed in board shorts, no shirt, and sunglasses. Not even shoes. I seriously contemplate running and hiding, but I guess he sensed me because only seconds after I spotted him he looked directly at me.

Even from about thirty feet away I can see his white teeth as he smiles at me. He drops one more bag into the can and tosses the lid on top - then heads toward me.

Jeez. What am I going to say? _You look great naked, Trent. Can you tell me why I was?_

"Good morning." He says with another smile as he ascends the steps. "Can I bum on of those?"

I hand him my cigarettes and lighter wordlessly, and he lights one. As he hands the pack back to me he leans down and kisses my cheek. I feel myself blushing.

"Did you just wake up?" I ask him as he sits down.

"A little while ago, yeah. Only meant to get a drink, but I saw how messed up the house was..." He shrugged. "Mary Anne, I'm sorry I passed out last night," He said with a chuckle. "I drank a _lot. _I've been kind of going over what I was going to say to you since I woke up, and I figure I may as well just apologize."

"Oh, that's... that's okay. I think I passed out around the same time as you."

He laughed again. "You're so sweet. But I remember pretty well. You were still up and rearing to go and I just... " He sighed and touched my leg softly. "You're so sexy, Mary Anne." He said in a low, sultry voice that gave me goosebumps. "I want you to know that. I've been kicking myself in the ass since I woke up for drinking so much."

By now I get what happened. We were going to have sex and he crashed on me. A million thoughts ran through my head, from _thank God! _to _too bad._ Trent was looking at me somewhat expectantly. "Oh!" I cried, realizing why. "Really, don't worry about it. I'm not. I've forgotten already." I said with a smile.

Well it's the truth.

He relaxed somewhat and put out his cigarette. "Well," he said, standing up, "I'm going to take a shower. To be continued." He winked.

I smiled at him, slightly unsure of what I was doing. Am I leading him on or being friendly? I honestly don't know.

I smell coffee and put out my own cigarette. I had almost forgotten I was making it.


	12. Chapter 12

Twelve.

_Claudia_

I've always prefered to be unique. It's important to me. Way back when, I used to dress insanely to set myself apart from the crowd. Then, oddly enough, dressing weird became, well, normal. From goth to punk to lesbian chic to metrosexual... I realized somewhere near the beginning of junior year that it was not striking people the same way it used to.

So, in order to be unique in a society of labels, I began to dress normal.

Well, it sounds good. A lot less boring than "I realized I looked ridiculous and decided to tone it down."

Truthfully, I find it very refreshing to be able to talk to someone without them scanning my outfit and taking in the details.

Today, for instance. It's kind of important. More than I'll admit in public. Pete's coming. Ever since the party the other night I've been thinking about him, and suddenly the idea of a relationship sounds appealing. Do I plan an extravagant outfit to impress him? No. Do I wear wild make-up? No. Is my hair crazy? No. I am just plain, simple Claudia, unique in her normalness. I look like the kind of girl a man might consider entering a mature relationship with.

After perfecting my normal look I headed to the kitchen, where the smell of coffee was calling me. At the table I found Stacey and Mary Anne. Sitting together. Neither of them are dead. While last night may have played out as pretty tame, I know these two girls far too well to judge that book by it's cover. Mary Anne can hold a grudge like nobody's business, and Stacey can be the biggest bitch you ever met. They are my two best friends in the world, I love them both, but when they clash, things get scary.

I simply greet them. I don't want to start anything. Either they have made up (doubtful, but I guess slightly possible) or they have both entered into some game of "who's more manipulative?" with eachother.

Stacey grinned and began to talk about some store she and Mallory found in town, full of great vintage clothes. Stacey, much unlike Mary Anne, does not hold grudges. She gets over things as quickly as they happen. I feel bad about what I called her in the car, because she had, after all, been right. She could have worded it a little differently. I just felt this insane need to defend Dawn. I don't know why, the only thing we seem to really have in common is the fact that we didn't graduate. She just seems so weak to me, now. I feel like I need to take care of her.

Mary Anne suggests we head out to the beach. Sounds like a plan to me. Kristy, Dawn, Mallory, and Alan are still asleep. I don't mention that it'll be easier to watch for Pete outside. That would bring taunting and teasing, which I don't want right now. Not that I don't have a sense of humor, I'm just nervous.

I gave myself a mental slap in the forehead. Why am I nervous? Hello, this is Pete Black. It's not like I haven't commited plenty of sins with this guy already.

Pete said he would be in town around noon. When we settle on the beach it's fifteen minutes after. I posistioned myself at an angle I could see the street from, yet also not appear to be watching for him. I watched for about twenty minutes before I spotted Pete's black Suburban rolling slowly down the street. I stood up silently and slinked away without Stacey or Mary Anne noticing, and waved. I saw Pete wave back from the open driver's window. He pulled to a stop in front of the house and opened his door immediately, grinning at me. He looked great.

I began walking a little faster, until I saw his passenger door open. _Oh, no,_ was my first thought. _Grace._

But it wasn't Grace. In fact, I sort of wished it was. When I saw that head of shaggy blonde hair emerge from Pete's SUV I almost screamed. Of all the people in this entire world Pete could have brought with him, female or male, he had chosen Logan Bruno.

I stopped short and spun around to look at Mary Anne. She was still laying under her umbrella, eyes closed, oblivious. Stacey, on the other hand, was standing up and gaping with her mouth wide open.

Next I looked back toward the house, which somewhere contained Mallory Pike.

Pete embraced me at that moment, planting a kiss on me and slipping his tongue in my mouth. I should have been ecstatic at the greeting, but found myself opening my eyes and squinting at Logan, who still stood by the car. I end the kiss prematurely and Pete asks me if anything's wrong.

"Why didn't you tell me you were bringing Logan?" I asked quietly, keeping one eye on Mary Anne's still figure in the sand.

Pete shrugged. "He wanted to keep it quiet. I didn't think you would mind." He hooked his finger under my bikini shoulder strap and tugged with a grin.

Stacey was now standing next to me. "Uh, Stace, can you show the guys in really quick? I'm gonna..." I nodded my head toward Mary Anne.

Stacey nodded, still looking shocked. "C'mon, Pete. You guys are sleeping in the living room, sorry..."

I trudged slowly through the sand toward Mary Anne. Glancing back, I could see Logan still standing by the car, shielding his eyes to watch us.

That's not going to make it any easier. I sat down next to Mary Anne under the umbrella and she opened her eyes. "What's going on? You guys were gone for a minute, right?"

"Yeah. Pete just got here."

Mary Anne sat up. "Yeah? Where is he?"

"He's in the house. Mary Anne?"

She looked at me quizzically. I don't know why she and Logan broke up for the last time, she never really went in to detail. I do, however, know it was not on good terms. I also know that for whatever reason, Mary Anne thinks there is something going on with Mallory and her ex, and that for some reason it's driving her nuts. I don't know if Mary Anne still loves Logan or if she just hates him that much, but I do know that what I'm about to tell her will not go over well. Somehow, someway, this is going to blow up in everyones face, and it is going to be BAD.

How do you break that kind of news? There is no good way.

"Pete brought Logan." I blurted. There. Done. Quick and... possibly painless.

I watched her face, waiting for an explosion of some sort. I detected a bit of horror in her eyes, but her expression remained neutral. She nodded, ever so slightly, but said nothing.

"Is that, you know, okay? Because if not I'll tell them to leave..."

She smiled a little. "No, Claud. I know how much you want Pete here." She heaved a huge sigh. "It's okay, really. I'll just stay away from him."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure." She chuckled. "I wonder if he came to see Mallory?"

I didn't answer.

"I'll bet he did." She said with a sort of stubborn satisfaction.


	13. Chapter 13

Thirteen.

_Stacey_

There's a storm rolling in.

It's funny, I went into the house for just a minute to grab a diet soda, and a few carrot sticks. I ran into Mallory, who was hadn't really come out of her room since Pete and Logan got here. It was warm and sunny when I walked off the beach where Claudia, Pete, and Logan had been hanging out. Everyone else, besides Mallory, had gone to the boardwalk. Probably to keep Mary Anne away from Logan and give her time to think. When I finally caught Mallory out of her room, I asked if she was feeling okay, but it was a dumb question. She certainly _looked_ okay, in full makeup, hair done and perfectly placed, wearing a cute little summer dress. When she said she felt fine I asked if she was going somewhere. She just shook her head and scampered off to her room again.

I had been in the house less than five minutes, but when I walked back onto the porch, the sun was covered in clouds and the wind was picking up. Claudia and the guys were gathering our stuff on the beach to come in. I moved to help them and was stopped by a voice from next door.

"Big one coming in!"

I looked over and saw Trent standing on his porch, looking out at the ocean. I followed his gaze and saw what he did - the ocean turning grey and angry, and a wall of black clouds rolling in. I moved closer to Trent to be heard over the wind. "It's not a hurricane, is it?" I asked, worried, remembering a hurricane I'd rather forget by the name of Bill.

Trent chuckled. "No, not a hurricane. Just a squall. Big one, though. Weather station said high winds and hard rain til tomorrow morning."

I edged closer. "Is there anything we need to do?"

Trent glanced from me, to the guys now trudging up our steps, and back to me. "Your boyfriend show up?"

"Now, they belong to the other girls. Do we need to do anything?"

"Just close all the shutters. Don't leave anything on the porch that can't get wet. The usual."

As if on cue, Logan and Pete came trooping back outside and started on the front shutters. It's good to have guys around. I looked back up at Trent. I was now standing directly below him as he leaned agains

t the rail. "So what are your guys' plans tonight?" I asked him sweetly.

Trent puffed out his lip thoughtfully. "Dunno. Guess some drinking, maybe a game of poker. How about your crew?"

"I have no idea. I don't think many of us knew there was a storm coming." A fat drop of rain landed on my shoulder. I looked at the sky nervously for a second, then back at Trent. "Why don't you guys come over? We'll make _you_ dinner this time. Our house is bigger anyway. And bring the poker cards."

"Only if we can play strip poker."

I was a little startled by his comment. He was giving me a sexy, smoldering, flirtatious look. I responded immediately. I knew he would get bored of Mary Anne. I flipped my hair and gave him that smoldering look back. "Okay. But you can only play in what you're wearing right now."

Trent looked down at himself. He only had on a pair of swimming trunks. He winked at me. "You're on."

"Good. Gather up your boys, I'll see you soon." I winked back and spun around to head back to the house. Just as I reached the porch the sky opened up and started pouring. I looked down the street to see if the rest of our house was returning yet. Not so far.

Maybe they'd stay gone a while.

Pete and Logan came running around the corner of the house, soaked. When they got on the porch Pete shook like a dog. "We got all the shutters closed." Logan informed me, looking irritated. "I can't believe it's raining like this our first day here." He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one. He didn't used to smoke, when he and Mary Anne were together. I wonder if they know how much they have in common now?

"It's a squall. It's supposed to be raining hard and windy til tomorrow morning." I told him, trying to sound like I knew what I was talking about. Logan just grunted. Pete finished shaking off and headed into the house, to find Claudia and hang all over her, I'm sure.

"Who was that guy you were talking to?"

"Trent. Mary Anne likes him." I glanced at Logan to get his reaction. He just gazed back at me evenly, saying nothing. I wonder if I can get the two of them back together? Then Mary Anne would most certainly forget about Trent. Even if Logan has something with Mallory, which she still swears she doesn't, he'd pick Mary Anne any day. Yes. This could work. I could start right now. "Mary Anne still talks about you all the time." I said quickly, conversationally.

A hint of interest sparked in Logan's eye. "Does she?"

Well she does. She hasn't shut up about the possibility of him and Mallory for a week. Maybe she does still love him. Who knows. "Yeah. Especially lately."

Logan shifted in his seat and stared at me, waiting for more. I didn't say anything else, just walked into the house. Always leave them wanting more.

* * *

It was around seven when Claudia gave up on the other four and made dinner. We'd tried to wait them out but were all starving. Neither of us can cook for the life of us, but we do know how to boil water, so together we whipped up a huge pot of spaghetti with sauce from a jar. The guys all scarfed it down, and I felt good to have satisfied them. I myself ate a salad, and Claudia had ice cream. Mallory finally came out of her room and picked at a plate of the spaghetti. She was sitting on the counter, because the guys, who had inhaled their food within five minutes, were setting up for a poker game at the kitchen table. I simply leaned against the sink and watched. Claudia had Pete hanging on her, and occasionally urging her to go to her bedroom. Logan was in the game. He seemed to be sizing Trent up.

I watched, amused, as Trent lost three hands to Logan, who kept bluffing him out. Logan is a killer at poker, this I know for a fact.

Trent threw down the third hand with a groan, having already lost twenty-five dollars. He looked over to me. "Are you any good at poker?" He asked.

"I hold my own."

"Come here and play with me."

I raised my eyebrows but went to stand behind him. After the ante, the first guy bet two bucks. Logan called. I studied Trents cards. He had crap. But --

"I'll see two and raise two more." I said breezily, throwing in Trents chips. He twisted his neck and gave me a pained look, but said nothing.

When it came time for cards, I asked for only one. Logan got two. I can read this guy like a book. We've played poker before. Trent picked up his card and I had to fight to keep a straight face. A pair of fours. It's all he has. Logan bet's five dollars. I raise him another five and the rest of the table folds.

Logan gives me a withering look. "I'll see you. Raise another ten."

I smiled slightly at him, threw in ten dollars worth of chips, and picked up another thirty. "I raise thirty."

Logan looks at me for a minute, then at Trent, then back at me. Sighing, he throws his cards down. "Whatever."

Trent howls. I just won him his money back. "You," he said, putting his arm around my waste and pulling me toward him, "are not going anywhere, my gorgeous good luck charm. Have a seat."

He pats his leg and gives me that wink again. Daintily, I sit on his left knee. His arm moves all the way around my waist, his hand ending up on my left hip. I look over at him with one raised eyebrow and decide to up the ante. this is poker, after all. Quietly, I swing my right leg over and scoot back so that I'm now straddling his thigh. It's an incredibly suggestive move for me. Trent reacts immediately and slides his hand from my hip to my lower back. My _very _lower back.

We were sitting like this for about five minutes when Logan excused himself to the restroom. A moment later the door burst open and I could hear Kristy, Dawn, and Mary Anne laughing in the hall. I jumped up quickly. If they see me sitting on Trent's lap they're going to have a cow. Trent said nothing as I headed out of the kitchen. I went toward my room, and ran into Logan in the hall, on the way back. He only grunted at me, still pissed that I'd beat him. I told him to shut up.

Passing the bathroom, I stop short. The door is slightly ajar, and Mallory is sitting on the closed toilet seat. She looks flushed.

"Mal?" I asked, pushing open the door. "Hey, you okay?"

Mallory looks up at me, and I see tears shining in her eyes. They haven't fallen, yet. "I'm okay, I guess."

"Come on, you're upset, let's talk."

Mallory reguarded me for a moment, staring into my eyes. Then she nodded, sighing. "Yeah, okay. Close the door."

I shut the door quickly and locked it for good measure. I sat on the floor in front of Mallory and gave her my full attention. "Out with it."

Mallory looked away from me, at the wall behind me. A tear finally escaped, bringing a trail of mascara down her cheek with it. "You've been so good to me these past few days, Stacey."

I waited.

She sighed again, and angrily wiped the tear from her chin. She looked me in the eye. "I want to tell you something."


	14. Chapter 14

Fourteen.

_Kristy_

Poker bores me.

All you do is sit around holding cards and try and guess what everyone else has. Give me running, jumping, screaming any day. On the other hand, Alan's eyes lit up like Christmas when he walked into the kitchen and found a poker game going. He actually ran to the table, sat next to Logan, and shouted "Deal me the hell in!"

Maybe it's a guy thing. I looked at Mary Anne, who rolled her eyes at me, and tilted her head toward the porch. I nodded. Dawn followed us.

We took seats on the chairs, even though they were a little soggy. The rain had let up but the wind was still blowing. We'd all gone to see a movie when it started raining. Some old movie, I don't even remember the plot. Alan was distracting. Mary Anne had suggested the movie, and I didn't blame her. I cannot believe Pete brought Logan. I still can't really believe Claudia invited Pete without asking. I haven't said anything to her yet, I guess I still feel like I owe her, no matter how many years it's been since we fought.

The three of us sat on the porch in silence, Mary Anne and I smoking, Dawn just studying her fingernails. She seems a lot calmer now, which is good, but I also know why, which is bad. I don't want her going down this path again. I don't know how bad she got, I know nothing of her life in California, but I know what happened to me, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. At least I got to go to rehab. I had counseling. I can still call them if I have a problem, and I have, quite a few times. Dawn, on the other hand... I don't know why Sharon and Richard haven't put her in rehab. Maybe it's too expensive. Maybe she wasn't that bad. Maybe they don't want to admit their daughter has a problem. Her father obviously couldn't deal with it, he sent her across the country. I wonder how she feels about that. I wonder a lot of things. I don't want to ask, though. It will just rehash old memories and upset her, and I think Dawn is far too fragile at this point.

And then there's Mary Anne. I know she and Logan didn't break up on good terms. Hell, _dogs _know that. Near the beginning of senior year he approached her in the cafeteria and she'd started shouting at him. I'd heard the rumor that they'd broken up, but that day in the cafeteria was the confirmation for the entire senior class. Mary Anne was never known for being a yeller, but she sure did that day. Called him every name in the book in between screeching at him to get away from her. He'd finally backed away when the guy Stacey was dating at the time, some football player, had stood up. Just stood up. Logan had scampered off in a heartbeat. I'm very, very curious to see what happens if Logan tries talking to her again.

I feel kind of trapped right now. Any one of the girls in this house right now is liable to explode. I've always been one to say what's on my mind, but we've been here, what, not even two days? It's too soon for a big fight. It's too soon for anything. We've got twelve days to go.

I tossed my cigarette into the rain, frustrated. I just want to say _something_. Anything.

Fine.

"Should I sleep with Alan?"

Mary Anne choked on smoke. Dawn patted her back with a grin. "Why, Kristy Thomas!" She exclaimed. "I was wondering where you'd gone."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"I was looking for the girl that randomly spouted crap that'll make people choke. Glad to see you're still in there somewhere."

Mary Anne was shaking her head, smiling, and still sputtering.

I shrugged, smiling myself. "Sometimes I prefer not to beat around the bush. It's nice to see I can still make Mary Anne choke."

Mary Anne was now laughing. "I just pictured you in eighth grade, yelling out that the macaroni tastes like socks or something while everyone is in the middle of a conversation about Jamie Newton."

Her laughter was infectious. Soon all three of us we're rolling. Just as we started to calm down Alan poked his head out the door and asked what was so funny. That set Mary Anne off again. I considered telling him, but thought better. Don't want to bruise his ego. I just shook my head and waved him away. Alan shugged and headed back in. Dawn was trying to talk but couldn't stop laughing. Mary Anne had tears rolling down her face.

"Come on, guys, seriously. Should I?"

Mary Anne swallowed hard and wiped her cheeks. "Kristy, I- hell I'm not one to talk. Dawn?"

Dawn wrinkled her nose. "Alan Gray."

"He's different." I insisted.

"Eh. I don't know, Kristy, I think you should just do what comes naturally. Don't plan it out." She rolled her eyes. "Look who I'm telling. Don't listen to me anyway. I don't know what sex is like sober."

Mary Anne stopped giggling but didn't say anything. I nodded at Dawn to let her know I understood, then quickly changed the subject back to me. "I'm just wondering if it's too soon, is all."

"Is he trying to get you to?" Mary Anne asked.

"I don't know. I don't think he is. He's not being like... well, like Pete is with Claudia."

They both nodded. "Good, though. That means he's not a jerk like Pete Black." Dawn said seriously.

I made a face. Pete was annoying everyone already, but Claudia seemed to eat it up. God knows why. "If Alan were to act like Pete I'd slap him across the face. Pete's behavior is... disgusting."

The girls nodded, and silence overcame us once again.

* * *

Boredom soon overcame me, and I decided to hang out in my room, alone. A little "me" time sounded nice. I curled up on the bed, cranked up my Ipod, and opened a book I'd bought just for this trip, a biography of Derek Jeter. As I read I began to feel relaxed for the first time since we'd gotten to Sea City. After about twenty minutes I was so into my book and music that when something brushed my leg I nearly screamed. I threw my book down with a gasp to find Alan standing over me. He said something that looked like "sorry" but I couldn't hear him over the music. I pulled one of the buds from my ear. "What's up?"

Alan's smile was a little lopsided. He'd been drinking. "Nothin'. Sorry I scared you."

I waited expectantly for something else. Alan just stood there. "Did you... want something?" I asked.

He chuckled. "Well..."

I sat up and he sat on the bed beside me. We looked at each other for a moment. Then I glanced past him, at the door. "Is that locked? We don't seem to have luck when it comes to privacy."

"Yeah, I locked it."

There it was. On the table. Alan had made clear his intent. I bit my lip and searched his eyes. Was it his decision, or had all those guys gotten to him? He looked nervous, and a little scared. I wondered why. Am I intimidating? I thought I'd gotten better about that, but...

Alan leaned forward and kissed me lightly on the lips and I decided to go for it, let what happens happen, as Dawn had said. It's been over a year since I'd been with a guy, and every single one I'd slept with had been a mistake. For all the wrong reasons. But not this time. This feels _right. _I put my hand on the back of his neck and pulled him as close as possible. His hands began eagerly exploring my chest, my legs, my everything. Very eagerly.

Too eagerly. Something about it nagged at me, but I pushed it aside. I simply took charge - it's what I do - and went to unbutton his pants. It was all happening so quickly. I slipped a hand under the waistband of his boxers and Alan suddenly stiffened and gasped. "Kristy..."

I froze. My hand stayed where it was. "What's wrong?"

"I need to tell you something."

Oh God. He changed his mind. He's gay. He's disfigured. He needs to take Viagra. "What is it?" I asked, attempting to be as gentle as possible.

He was looking at the ceiling, breathing heavily. "I should have told you before, from the start. It's just that... well..." He looked at me, only that scared look had graduated to near terror. "I'm... I mean, I've never... This is going to be my..."

I gasped, and recoiled, removing my still strategically placed hand. "You're a _virgin_!" The second I said it I clapped my hand to my damn big mouth. I'd said it like it was some horrible thing. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I mean... it's just a surprise. You've seemed so... not... virginlike?" My mind was racing as Alan raised his eyebrows. I've never been with a guy who was a virgin. My God, what kind of huge whore am I? Is that why Alan is with me?

I stood up suddenly. "Kristy?" He asked.

"I'm sorry, I just... I have to think. I just..." I trailed off as I fumbled with the door lock.


	15. Chapter 15

**Fifteen.**

_**Dawn**_

"Hey, Dawn?" Mary Anne spoke a little too late, since she already had my bedroom door halfway open. I gasped and pulled my sheet over me. The door opened the rest of the way and for a moment she was speechless. Then--

"Ohmigod! I'm sorry, I'm--" My sister didn't finish as she slammed the door shut again. I looked at John (or is it Jay?) wide eyed. He was casually buttoning his pants, unfazed by what Mary Anne had seen. He smiled slightly and pulled a little baggie out of his pocket, tossing it on the bed. It landed next to my exposed leg. "Thanks, sweetness." He said, opening the door.

Mary Anne was still standing there. John or Jay brushed past her casually, leaving the door open. Mary Anne stood in the doorway, mouth open. I quickly reached for the baggie but she spotted it before my hand covered it. "Dawn?" She asked in a small voice.

I stared at the door frame. I couldn't meet her eyes.

"Dawn?" She asked again. Only this time the timidness had disappeared, and anger had crept in to her tone. She was putting the pieces together quickly. She knows I have no money. She knows what I just did. I'm not proud of it, by any means. Doing favors for drugs is something that was pretty normal for me a year ago. Things were supposed to be different now. I'm supposed to be stronger. I'm just supposed to be having a little fun. I really didn't mean to do what I had just done, in a way. It had just... happened that way.

A tear slid down my cheek, and I wiped at it furiously. Mary Anne's face was turning beet red. Dammit, dammit, dammit. We've been getting along so well. "Mary Anne... come on. The past week has been so nice. Please... don't..."

"_What are you doing?_" She shrieked, ignoring my plea. "I give you a little slack and you turn into some.. some... _prostitute_?" She spat that last word, and more tears escaped my eyes. Then she did the worst thing possible. She spun around and walked away.

"Mary Anne?" I called after her, scrambling from the bed. I located the nearest t-shirt and put it on. Please, God, anything but that. Let her yell, let her scream, let her cry, but don't take her away from me again...

As I was struggling with a pair or shorts I could hear Mary Anne shouting from the living room. Probably at John or Jay. Or maybe just in general. As I rushed down the hall I ran smack into Kristy, who clamped her hand around my upper arm and yanked me back toward my room. "No, uh-uh. Back this way. She's in melt down mode."

"Butahhavtatoktooer!" I blubbered. I took a deep breath, surprised by how hard I way crying. Kristy pulled me into my room and sat me on the bed, shutting the door behind her.

She sat next to me and stroked my hair gently. "I know you want to talk to her, Dawn. You just can't right now, okay?"

I took a few more deep, shuddering breaths. Then I looked behind me and grabbed the baggie that was still laying on the sheet, where my leg had been. Kristy watched.

"Alan's a virgin." She said.

I stopped suddenly and stared at her. A smile threatened the corners of my mouth as I recalled our earlier conversation. As I recalled Kristy declaring that the macaroni tasted like gym socks in the midst of a serious discussion about Jamie Newton. It was easy to see her, behind all that hair and makeup. "Is he still one?" I asked, my eyebrow raised. I pushed current problems in my life to the back of my mind and gave Kristy most of my attention, although some was on the lines I was cutting.

"Yeah. It kind of... I don't know, freaked me out." She made a face.

"How so?"

"Well... I ran out of the room." She closed her eyes, reliving it. "It's strange. I suddenly started wondering what kind of slut I must look like to him. How do I know that's not the only reason he's with me?"

She opened her eyes, looking vulnerable. I paused in my work. "Well, I don't know. I think that's only reason any guy has ever..." I shook my head. Trying to forget that for now. "Alan seems sincere to me, Kristy. Does he even know about... how things used to be with you?"

Kristy shrugged. "I think pretty much everyone in school had some idea of what was going on. I was hanging out with the burnouts, I had quite a reputation for being, you know, easy." She was looking down now, and her manner reminded me not of gross comments in the cafeteria, but of that day she had come over to my house for the first time. She had been vulnerable, afraid of losing her best friend, and had masked that with a dislike for me. I had seen through it, though. I had spotted this Kristy, the one who was unsure of herself, and I had made her my friend. I shivered slightly. What ever had become of those two girls swinging on a rope and landing in soft hay?

She finally looked up again and her eyes were a little shiny. I wonder if she was thinking about the same thing.

"I hate this, wondering all the time what people are thinking about me. I suppose it's the price you pay for mistakes in your past... I cannot wait to go college. I'm going to U.C. Davis, did you know that? As far away as I can get..." Kristy rambled on. I raised my eyebrows. No, I had not known she was going to California.

"What are you going to study?" I asked gently, prodding her away from the subject at hand.

A genuine smile escaped her. "Veterinary medicine. I'm pretty sure I want to be a vet, but sometimes I think it would be awesome to be a pediatrician. Kids and dogs, I love them all. You should come with me, Dawn. I don't know California too well."

I grinned. "I can't say I know the Davis area too well myself. I'm an OC girl, remember?"

"Are you going to go to college when you graduate?" Kristy asked.

I swallowed thickly. I hate this subject. I have long since given up my plans to go to Berkeley. I had wanted to be so many things, I just knew it had to deal with the ocean or the environment, and Berkeley had been my dream school. "I... really don't know." I said slowly. "I'm thinking about it. Maybe I'll just give Stoneybrook U a shot." I looked back down at the crystal meth I'd been cutting up but had forgotten for a few moments and went back to it. It kills me that this is once again becoming my reality.

Kristy simply watched me.

"I don't want to be this girl again." I murmured, stopping again and running my hand over my cheek. The scarring from all the acne I'd had a year ago was almost gone, but I could feel new bumps forming. Speed bumps, they're called. They come quick. I look up at Kristy. "Why can't I stop? You stopped."

"I had help." Kristy murmured, looking not at me but at the drugs. "A lot of help."

"I once asked mom if I could go to rehab. Richard told her all I needed was discipline."

Kristy met my eyes, looking sad. "You're eighteen, now, Dawn. Just check yourself in."

"Maybe." Once again, I resumed my work. I tapped the razor on the night stand to shake off the excess. I leaned over and quickly snorted two lines.

"Dawn?" I heard Kristy ask. Her voice sounded dreamy.

Blinking rapidly, I looked back at her. She looked dreamy, too. "Yeah?"

"Can I have some?"

Wow.

Standing up, I shoved the little baggie into the pocket of my shorts. I stood in front of Kristy, and she looked up at me meekly. I had never, ever seen her look so weak. Instinctively, I leaned down and wrapped my arms around her. She hugged me back fiercely, sniffling. I felt a dampness on my shoulder where her face was buried.

"No, Kristy. Never." I whispered into her ear. A small sob escaped her, and I hugged her even harder. Then I pulled back, placing a quick kiss on her cheek. I walked rapidly to the door, not looking back at her, knowing the look on her face might change my mind. I ran down the hall and through the living room, where Mary Anne sat with Trent's arm around her. I ran onto the porch, where Claudia, Stacey, Pete, and Logan were lounging, Logan with a cigarette in his hand, looking irritated. I ran into the rain and over to the house next door, assuming John or Jay had gone home after out little romp. I, and my drugs, needed to be as far away from Kristy as possible right now.

I stood on the porch of the house that belong to Trent and John or Jay and a couple other guys I hadn't really spoken to, looking out at the rain. A heavy fog was rolling in off the ocean, looking like a black wall coming in off the ocean. It was ugly and quite beautiful at the same time. For the first time in almost a year, I missed the Pacific.

I knocked on the door, still watching the fog come in. I heard it open a moment later and there was John or Jay. He smiled and invited me in. Tweekers always like to have a friend.


	16. Chapter 16

**Sixteen.**

_**Mary Anne**_

I cannot believe her.

I mean, I know she's on it again, I'm perfectly aware. I have not objected. Dawn's just been having a little fun. We're on vacation, after all. We're here to have fun. But we've only been here for two days, and Dawn is already... selling herself.

I know this has happened before. It's how her father and stepmother figured out she was on drugs in the first place. I don't have the full story, but I guess Carol caught Dawn in the middle of something and Dawn had admitted that she was doing it to get drugs. Something along those lines. It's all secondhand information. I overheard Sharon telling my father this tearfully late one night.

I love my sister, I truly do. This is just so disgusting. I cannot just sit back and let her do this to herself. I'm not going to let things get like they did before.

Of course, now I don't know where she is. She went running by like a flash. That was quite a while ago. Now I'm sitting in the kitchen again, where Trent, Pete, Logan, and Stacey have picked up yet another game of poker. Claudia was sitting on Pete's lap. God only knows where Mallory is, I haven't seen her at all since Logan got here.

Logan. I'm trying not to look at him at all, because for some reason, every time I do, even on accident, he seems to be staring back at me. I want to scream at him, claw his face, but of course I don't. Only Dawn knows about what happened. I intend to keep it that way. I've put up with him in the halls and in two classes for the past nine months, I can put up with him for three days. The strange thing is, he's avoided looking at me those past nine months. Now he's staring at me. I refuse to look at his face long enough to read what is in it, but I'm sensing a sort of longing. He can long all he wants. He's got Mallory. I know it.

I'm sitting on the kitchen counter, sort of off in my own world. In my hands is the third rum and coke that Trent has mixed for me. It's almost gone. He'd been sympathetic to the fact that my evil ex-boyfriend was here and my sister is apparently a hooker. It's nice to have someone feel sorry for me.

I tipped my glass back and finished what was left. As I lowered it the ice cubes clinked and Trent looked over at me. Wordlessly he folded his hand and stood up, taking my glass as he passed. This time I hopped off the counter and lumbered down the hall and up the stairs to my room. Trent followed moments later, my drink in his hand.

"That Logan guy keeps giving me dirty looks." He said, sounding irritated. He handed me my drink and sat on my bed.

I took a large gulp of my drink, not even tasting the rum anymore. "Logan's an idiot. Ignore him."

"If he keeps looking at me like that he's going to be sorry. Does he like you or something?"

I didn't answer, contemplating that "he's going to be sorry" line. I took another drink. Trent put his hand on my leg. I looked down at it for a moment, Dawn's words from last night swimming back to me. We'd promised each other to have fun on this vacation, not dwell on stupid mistakes. She didn't want me to sleep with Trent, but she wouldn't judge me.

Guilt washed over me. Oh, no. What had I done? I'd been so judgmental of her... what I said was _mean._ I thought back to the past few months, how cold I'd been to her, how sullen she'd been. And then, when I'd started being a sister to her again, she came out of her shell. Dawn was suddenly back to her old self, just like that. Do I really have that much of an impact on her?

Trent's hand moved up a little further, and my head swam again. Dawn forgotten, I tilted my head back and allowed him to kiss me. _He's going to be sorry. _

Trent can make Logan sorry.

Pulling away from Trent, I regarded him carefully. He was well built, tall, and muscular. Logan isn't exactly tiny. Trent is bigger.

"Let's go back downstairs." I murmured, standing up slowly, taking his hand. Trent looked disappointed but allowed me to lead him. I took him to the living room. The poker game had once again broken up in our absence. Stacey, Claudia, and Pete were sitting on the couch, watching T.V. Logan was not in sight. And finally, there was Mallory, stretched out on the loveseat. I met her eyes briefly, but she looked away. Trent sat in a recliner and pulled me into his lap. I glanced around the room casually. Stacey looked uncomfortable. Claudia was wrapped up in Pete. Mallory stared at the T.V.

I hear the front screen slam shut, and Logan strides through the foyer. He pauses, looking directly at me. At Trent. I glance sideways at Trent, and enjoy the harsh look on his face. He and Logan remained locked in a stare for a few seconds, until I gently turn Trent's head toward my own and kiss him. With a soft grunt, Logan walks out of the foyer and into the kitchen.

Once, long, long ago, I had put my arm around Dawn and laughed, just because Kristy could see me. I did it to spite her. To make her jealous. Dawn had realized what I was doing and gotten upset because I was using her. I never felt I was using her. It was just convenient.

I'm using Trent. He probably knows it. Neither of us care.

We stay in the living room, watching T.V. and occasionally nuzzling each other. Trent gets up once, to make me my fifth drink. While he is gone I stare at Mallory, willing her to look back, because I want to see the guilt I _know_ must be in her eyes. I almost want to dare her to go into the kitchen, where I know Logan is still sitting. I finish my drink quickly, and when Trent get's up to make me another one, I follow him.

Logan's eyes are on us the entire time. I ignore him, but Trent shoots a hard look his way every once in a while. When he's done stirring my drink, I lean into him and he kisses me again, this time fiercely, almost angrily, because now he wants to piss off Logan, too. I can feel Logan's eyes burning into my back, and I shiver a little. I don't want him looking at me anymore. I don't want to be in the same room as him. I whisper to Trent that we should go back upstairs, but I know Logan has heard me. My back is still to him, but Trent's eyes leave mine and look over my head, toward the kitchen table. The look on his face is not one of anger, but of gloating. Logan's slimy stare is still on my back. As I walk up the stairs, I attempt to shake it off, but it's _there, _on me, sticking to me. As I enter my room, this time with Trent in the lead, my inhibitions disappear in a blur of alcohol and anger. I pull my shirt over my head immediately, willing Logan's eyes off of me. The slimy feeling begins to dissipate as Trent runs his hands down my bare back, kissing my neck. I sighed, happy to be rid of it.

I need to get Logan off of me.

He's been on me for over a year now. No matter how much I shower, how much I scrub, I can feel him. That slimy, disgusting feeling. Trent's hands warmed my back and rid me of Logan's eyes. Silently, I prayed that it might work all over. I led Trent to my bed and switched off the lamp. I slipped quickly out of my shorts. Trent was speaking, whispering, but I paid him no attention. I lay down on my bed and Trent was touching me everywhere. My skin warmed at his touch, and I hoped that this was Logan coming off of me.

I couldn't really see anything, the night was even darker than normal because of storm clouds and fog. I can feel Trent, though, now shedding his own clothes, his skin touching mine. My body on fire, I wrapped my arms around him, willing Logan out of my head. I don't want to think about him. I don't want him to be here for this. Trent slipped inside of me and I gasped, a deep, shuddering breath. It hurt. It didn't hurt like the last time, but it hurt. Trent paused, and asked me if I was okay. Biting my lip, I answer as best as I can, groaning an "Mmm-hmm," knowing that if I open my mouth I might say no, might tell him to stop. So he continues, slowly, gently. Tears threaten in the backs of my eyes but I fight them, pulling Trent closer to me. _Go away. Just go away._

* * *

A phone is ringing.

My eyes slide open slowly, and I'm hit by a wave of nausea. The alcohol, the five some-odd drinks I consumed tonight, have not forgotten me. I glimpse the alarm clock on the dresser from the corner of my eye. It's flashing, 12:43, 12:43, 12:43. I hear the wind thrashing outside. The power must have gone out. Forty-three minutes ago, it would seem.

The phone is still ringing. It's not my cell phone. My phone plays "Love Song" by 311 when it rings. 50 First Dates is one of my all-time favorite movies.

Beside me, I hear a soft snore. It must be Trent's cell phone. The ringing stops, but I shake him gently anyway. It has to be three in the morning at the very least. The call is probably important.

"Trent?" I say softly, sitting up a little. I wince at the pain in my thighs. He doesn't respond. "Trent?" I say a little more loudly.

"Hmm?" He moans, just as his phone begins ringing again. I turn on the light and look over at him. He's squinting, blinking rapidly. He coughs and sits up, looking around the room. "Where is it?"

I point to his pants on the floor beside me and lie back down as he reaches over me to grab them. He turns off the light again as he comes back up, and I'm glad for it. I close my eyes, uncaring of why his phone is ringing. I'm exhausted.

Trent answers his phone quietly, but I can hear the person on the other end talking loudly. I turn over and attempt to bury myself in the blanket.

"Okay, okay, relax, John. I'll be right there." Trent sounded a little panicked. I opened my eyes again and watched him snap his phone shut, the room glowing oddly in it's light. "Mary Anne, get up. It's your sister."

I bolted upright.

Dawn.


	17. Chapter 17

_a/n-_ i just want to say once again how awesome all of you guys are and thank you for your reviews. i love reviews! yay! someone give me a bad one so i'll stop gloating so much! ;)

read on, for the question on everyone's mind about a certain someone and a certain someone shall be revealed...

* * *

Seventeen.

_Claudia_

I can't sleep.

All I can do is think. Think about my life, what I've done with it. Trying not to think about Pete, which is difficult, considering he's snoring quite loudly next to me. I didn't make him sleep in the living room. Not that I had much of a choice. We'd had sex, quick, quite uneventful, slightly disappointing sex, and he fell asleep about thirty seconds after. All day long, he was pawing me, grabbing me, begging me to go to bed. Finally I do and what? Four minutes of discomfort. I watched the clock.

He was drunk, though. Plus the whole thing with Grace. He just has too much on his mind.

From the room next door, I hear a thump.

I glanced at the clock. I reset it when the power came back on. It's nearly four in the morning. I know Mary Anne is an early riser, but it's a little _too_ early.

I strain my ears to listen, and hear very low, muffled voices. Then not so low. Then quite loud. Something hits the ground and I'm up in a flash, banging on the door. "Mary Anne?"

They don't seem to hear me. Listening now without shame, I hear Mary Anne roar "_Give me my fucking phone!_"

It's enough. I threw open the door, because Mary Anne saves that word for special occasions. Standing frozen, both looking at me, are Trent and Mary Anne, half dressed but decent enough. Trent is holding a cell phone above his head, and Mary Anne is reaching for it. The both look extremely pissed.

It lasts for about half of a second. Mary Anne forgets the phone and rushes toward me, struggling into a pair of sweat pants. "Claudia! Something's wrong with Dawn! We have to call nine one one!"

I look around the room. No Dawn. "Where is she?"

"My house." Trent says gruffly, pulling a shirt over his head. "With drugs and God knows what. You are _not_ calling nine one one until we know it's really an emergency. Last thing I need is to get caught with underage girls..." He muttered that last part, brushing past me. Mary Anne followed. I grabbed her hand.

"He's right, you know. Dawn could get in a lot of trouble. It could be just like last week, okay?" I spoke gently as we walked down the stairs together. She nodded, her eyes drowning in tears that have not spilled over. I look ahead and Kristy is standing at the bottom of the stairs, watching Trent run by her. She looks up at us questioningly.

"Dawn." I say simply. Kristy's face falls and she spins around, running after Trent.

I continue to walk, holding Mary Anne's hand. She needs to calm down. It's not raining anymore, but the wind is still blowing like mad. Trent and Kristy have long since disappeared into the house. I hear no shouts, no screams. This has to be a good sign.

We enter the house slowly. Mary Anne's eyes are closed. We listen, and hear voices coming from down the hall. Normal voices. Not panicked. Not screaming.

"Maybe she's okay..." Mary Anne whispered. She didn't sound very confident.

In the hall, standing away from the open doorway, was the guy Dawn's been hanging around. He had his arms folded across his chest, his eyes wide with terror. He looked like he'd been crying. I rushed those last five feet, forgetting to keep Mary Anne calm. The sight we were met by was not a pretty one.

Lying on a twin sized bed, atop a deep red (blood red) blanket, was Dawn. Her skin almost glowed a pale white. Her eyes were shut, and relaxed, as if she were asleep. She was eerily still. For one insane, wild, crushing second, I thought she might be dead.

Kristy perched on the bed beside her, stroking her platinum hair, whispering. Trent was angrily digging through a first-aid kit. It cannot be that big of an emergency. No shouts, no screams.

Mary Anne rushed to the bed, and Kristy got out of the way. "Dawn? Kristy... what happened?"

Kristy leaned across Mary Anne and plucked a prescription bottle from the night stand. She held it up for Mary Anne to see. "Vicodin."

Mary Anne shrank away from the bottle in horror. "Did she... did she try to kill herself?"

Shrugging, Kristy put an arm around her. "We'll have to ask. She certainly didn't succeed if that was her plan. Trent said there were only eight or nine in the bottle. With the speed... It's not enough, we'll leave it at that." Kristy looked down at Dawn, sounding a little out of it herself. "Probably got a bad high. Wanted to bring herself down. When you're in that state, you do stupid things, you hurt yourself on accident, thinking you're helping."

I stared at Kristy, wanting to know what happened to her, what she went through, why she knew so well. At the same moment, Trent shouted in victory and held up smelling salts. Kristy grabbed them from his hand roughly and immediately applied them to our unconscious friend.

It's not like the movies. She doesn't open her eyes immediately and sit up with a gasp. Instead, she remains still for a few moments, and a frown develops on Kristy's face. Mary Anne's face begins to fall even further.

Then I see it.

Her lip twitches slightly. Then her nose. Slowly, painfully slow, her eyes begin to crack open.

Tears spilled over on to my cheeks, and I felt a rush of love for this girl. I had never gotten to know her very well, not even back in the club days. That day she came over to Stacey's house, I had begun to feel a closeness with her. Two weeks later, the idea of her being as scared as the eerie tone of Kristy's voice had suggested was painful to me.

I just want her to be okay.

As her eyes opened more and more, Dawn groaned. She looked around the room slowly and croaked "What?"

A small, shrill laugh escaped Mary Anne. "Nothing, sis." She replied, shaking her head. "Don't worry about it. We're going to take you home, okay?"

Dawn nodded and closed her eyes again. Trent scooped her up easily and led the way back to our house, Kristy, Mary Anne, and I trailing behind. None of us spoke. Logan was sitting on the porch with a cigarette in his hand. Stacey, Alan and Pete were all huddled in the doorway, looking sleepy. Alan raised an eyebrow at Trent carrying Dawn. He's been there before. Mary Anne followed all the way to Dawn's room, but Kristy and I held back. Kristy sat next to Logan and breathed a deep sigh. He offered her a cigarette wordlessly. Lighting it, Kristy looked up at me.

"That girl is going to give me a stroke, I swear."

I managed a small, forced laugh as Pete snaked an arm around my waste. I glanced over at him, unsure of his intentions. He just looked concerned. "What happened?"

So, with our new audience, Kristy and I relived the tale of What Happened To Dawn. It wasn't much of a story. Nobody knows what happened yet. Kristy didn't repeat her earlier, wise-sounding theory, and I was left once again wondering what kind of secrets she has in her past.

Stacey quickly lost interest and zombied her way back to bed. The rest of us retreated back into the house, but into the living room. Interestingly, instead of sitting with Kristy, who was still quite visibly shaken, Alan sat on the couch next to Logan. I decided to check on Mary Anne and Dawn. Pete, of course, followed me.

When I entered the room I was not greeted by a terrific sight. Dawn was leaning over her bed, throwing up into a bowl. Mary Anne was holding her hair back. Trent was in the middle of a sentence. It ended with "...just needs to sleep."

Mary Anne looked irritated, so I could guess what subject they were on. Again. I immediately sided with Trent. He's just being selfish, he doesn't want to get in trouble. I'm thinking of Dawn. "She'll get in trouble if you take her to a hospital, Mary Anne. The doctors will test her and see what's in her blood, they might think she tried to kill herself, they might come here and find drugs in the house. She's awake, and yeah, she's throwing up, but that happened last week, too." Mary Anne stared at me, eyes wide. I don't talk so much these days. And I don't think I've offered intelligent debate ever in my life.

Dawn finished, and rolled over again. Mary Anne mopped her face with a washcloth. "No cops." Dawn sputtered.

I almost laughed, but thought better of it. I put my hand on Mary Anne's shoulder. "For now, let's respect her wishes. I promise you, if she doesn't seem better in an hour, or if she gets any worse, I will dial nine one one myself." Trent made a face and began to say something, but I gave him a hard look. He shut his mouth.

"I'm going to back out into the living room." I told Mary Anne, who nodded, still a little taken aback. I turned, giving Trent another dirty look. I don't like that guy. I don't like that Stacey was sitting on his lap and I don't like that he was in Mary Anne's room at four in the morning. I don't like the idea that Mary Anne probably had sex with him. I sigh to myself. These things will have to wait until later.

Pete put his arm around me again and I smiled. He must have heard me sigh all frustrated. I looked over at him, and he stopped and kissed me gently on the lips. "Everything will be fine." He murmured.

Smiling, I wrapped my arms around him in a fierce hug, enjoying this affection. This was the kind of guy I wanted. One that will take me in his arms when things are bad, hold me, whisper to me, rub my back--

Rub my chest.

I kept my eyes closed, hoping Pete wasn't doing what I thought he was. Disappointingly, yeah, there he was, kneading my breasts. Too hard, too.

"Let's go back upstairs." He whispered.

Opening my eyes, I pulled back a little and looked up into his face. Wanting to see compassion, and maybe sadness. I get bright eyes and a come hither gaze.

"Pete." I said quietly. "My friend could have died just now."

Pete's hands drop to my waist, and he pulls me close again. "I know, baby. I'm sorry about Dawn. I just..." He smiled a little as his hands slid slowly from my waist to my lower back. Then down. Grabbing my ass (again, too hard), he pushes me to the wall, and leans down to kiss me again.

I put my hands on his chest and rested them there for a second. He stopped leaning and looked at me questioningly. I didn't think.

I just shoved him.

I must have more strength than I thought, because he immediately let go of me, falling hard into the wall behind him with a curse. I immediately turned to my right and walked into the bathroom, looking over my shoulder. "Stay the hell away from me, Pete." I said, enjoying the utterly shocked look on his face a split second before I slammed the door.

I leaned on the sink, fighting what I knew was coming. The urge to turn around, go back out, apologize. Let him walk all over me. The urge to cry. I've lived my entire life needing attention and approval from those I thought I cared about most, like Stacey, like Pete. In the meantime my family hates me.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and allowed a few tears to spill over. What have I done to myself?

Pete doesn't knock on the door or call to me. That weak part of me, the one in such desperate need of positive feedback on the superficial things in life, was sad. I wanted him to fight for me. Another part of me argued that he's just a jerk. He only wants one thing. He made that very obvious.

Shaking my head, press my face into a towel. It doesn't matter if anyone sees that I've been crying. They'll think it's because of Dawn. I decide to go upstairs and fix myself anyway. As I exit the bathroom (Pete nowhere to be found) I hear the T.V. blaring news and smell coffee. I guess some of the others decided to get up for the day, too. Trudging up the stairs, I picture my bed, and think about how long it's been since I last slept. What, twenty hours? Perhaps more. I have to stay awake for a while though. For Dawn.

As I near the top of the stairs I catch a glimpse of movement to the right. There are four rooms on the second floor, mine and Mary Anne's to the left, Stacey's closest to the stairs, and Mallory's to the right. I look over toward Mallory's door, and stop dead.

Entering her room, silhouetted in lamplight and about to close the door behind him, was Logan Bruno.


	18. Chapter 18

Eighteen.

_Stacey_

"Stacey?"

That feeling, the one of slowly being pulled out of sleep against your will, is one of the worst in the world.

I _just_ fell asleep. I know I did.

"Stace..."

My brain, still technically asleep, recognizes Claudia's voice. My body, still _very _asleep, scrunches it's eyes tighter shut and turns away.

"Come on, Stace..." She says a little louder. Then she ruins it. She shakes me.

My eyes flew open. "What?" I grumbled, sounding a little more grumpy then I intended. With my eyes open, I can now see that's it's broad daylight. So maybe I didn't just fall asleep. I turn to face her. "Hey, Claud."

Claudia's face is a mixture of anger, worry, and frustration. "I need to talk to you. It's ten. I can't wait anymore."

The events of the early, early morning come back to me. "Is Dawn okay?"

"You could say that. She's out on the beach already, working on her tan like nothing happened."

I raised an eyebrow. Drugs make people so weird. Up and down, up and down. She's probably already on the stuff again. "So what's up?"

Claudia sat on the bed next to me with a heavy sigh. "It's pretty bad, Stace. I mean, I think it is. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know." Shaking her head, she pounded her fist on the blanket. "That little bitch has been lying to us!"

"What? Who?"

"Mallory." Claudia spat.

Oh, no. Struggling to keep my face neutral, I sat up a little. "What do you mean?"

Claudia looked me in the eyes. I cannot lie. I'm terrible at it. I know damn well what she means, and she picked up on it. "Logan. I saw him going into her room last night..." She did not take her eyes off mine. I sank down a little, and looked away. "You already know." She finished, matter-of-factly.

I shrugged, still looking away.

"Stacey! What do you know? How long? Why didn't you tell Mary Anne? I've been thinking she might have gone crazy!" Claudia exclaimed.

"I only found out last night." I snapped back. Sinking further down, I covered my face with my hands. "I didn't ask for this, Claud. She said she had something she wanted to tell me. I listened. But, but... it's so much more than you think..." I sighed. "It's bad, Claud. It's really bad."

Claudia continued to gaze at me, her face softening. "What happened?"

"It's... oh, Jesus. I can't tell you. I really can't. Mallory's just so messed up about things right now." I continued to hide my face. After Mallory told me what she did, I had wished she hadn't. _While_ she told me I started wanting to leave the room. but she just kept going, spilling her guts to me, tears falling down her face. _You've been so good to me... I want to tell you something. _I should have just ran. I don't need Mallory's problems. I don't need anyone's but my own.

Claudia waited patiently, not caring that I did not want to tell her. So much like I had waited for Mallory last night. I should have left her alone. Claudia should leave me alone.

"You're going to regret this." I told her with a sigh.

* * *

_"Logan and I are together." _That's how it all started. I wanted her to stop right then. It was already too much. I mean, I suspected it, yes, but making it a reality was disturbing. Mallory, of all people, dating Mary Anne's ex-boyfriend. But then she kept going, and I could not believe what she was telling me.

"We've been dating for about three months," She had rushed on, not letting me react. "Stacey, he's just so cute and he's a senior, and I knew I was going to be the envy of all of my friends. I didn't plan on doing anything with him. I mean, he _is_ eighteen. It's not really, like, legal, right? Plus I wanted to wait until senior prom. I know it's really stupid and cliche, but that's was my dream. Logan just... he can be pushy, you know?"

"So you did." I had said gently. It was kind of obvious.

"I did." She replied, nodding in agreement. "We went to this party one night, a senior party. I was so excited! It was my first senior party, and they had alcohol. I'd never been drunk before, Stace. Logan kept getting me drinks and I just... lost myself I guess. He took me into one of the rooms and we did it. Just like that." Her face began to darken. "I was so stupid. I mean, I let it happen, you know? I had no willpower, I guess. After that he just wanted to do it, like, every day. All the time. I never made him wear a..." She smacked herself in the forehead with the heel of her right hand. "God, I'm so _stupid_! He always said all this crap about wanting the real thing and I just... let him."

I must have looked horrified. Mal didn't seem to notice. She just. Kept. Going.

"And then, in May, I missed my period. When I told him he was so mad! I don't know how I let it happen. He was so angry. I should have been keeping track or something, I know. " She was shaking her head. I wanted to shake _her._ "So he made me buy a test and yeah, I was."

"_Was_!" I squeaked. Ten billion things were running through my mind. He made _her_ buy a test? What the hell is wrong with this guy?

"Yeah, was." She was almost nonchalant. "Logan was so freaked out. He said he couldn't have a baby, and if I kept it, he'd leave me. So I used some money I was saving for a car, baby-sitting money, you know. He felt a little bad, though, afterward. That's why he bought me the Ipod."

Holy mother of God.

"Why... why are you crying?" I'd stammered. None of what she told me seemed to upset her. It was giving me a heart attack.

"Because... I love him so much, Stacey! I want to marry him, be with him forever. He promised me we would be together forever, but just now he told me he wanted to take a little break. From our relationship, not sex. He wants to see other people! He said that I can, too. I just can't sleep with them. But, but I think he still likes Mary Anne!" She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. "I could never compete with Mary Anne! She's his first love!"

I had done my best to comfort her. What I really wanted to do was call her mother. Logan was controlling Mallory to a point of... I don't know what. Anyone, _anyone _else on the planet would have been horrified by what Mal had described to me. She seemed to think it was all okay, normal, and _her_ fault.

* * *

"I just didn't know what to do. I got her to stop crying, I went back to the kitchen, tried playing some more poker... I just could not wrap my head around it. I still can't."

Claudia's jaw was practically hitting the floor. I could see the same thing I felt in her eyes. Regret. The urge to turn back time. _I don't want to know._

"Oh, my lord." Claudia whispered. "What... what do we do?"

"I don't know, Claud." I replied, sighing loudly. "I just don't know."

Claudia left my room in a daze soon after, saying she was going to sleep before she fell over. I got up and threw on my green bikini and black short shorts. I glanced outside. Dawn, Mary Anne, Kristy, Alan, and Mal were all on the beach, along with Trent and another guy from his house. Pete's truck was not parked in front of the house, and I saw no sign of Logan. Thank God. Hopefully they left altogether. Probably they were just exploring the town or getting food. I considered joining my friends on the beach.

But Mallory was out there. I didn't think I could face her quite yet, so I decided to park it on the couch for a while and indulge in a little Jerry Springer. At least their lives were worse than Mallory's.

After about ten minutes of Springer, I heard the screen door slam. I looked up to see Trent walk by in the foyer, on his way to the kitchen. I heard him stop, and he backed up and leaned past the wall. "Hey." He said, smiling.

"Hi." I had nearly forgotten Trent. He sauntered into the room and sat beside me, draping an arm around my shoulders. I looked at him, smiling. I knew he liked me.

"I missed you last night." He said, looking sad.

"Yeah? Sorry." I don't even know how long he was here last night. I was in too much of a daze. "I... I kinda missed you, too. Mallory was telling me about this whole thing with Logan, and... " I just shook my head. It's not like Trent could possibly care about that.

"I'm glad you missed me." His arm dropped from my shoulders, his hand quickly finding it's way to my leg. Or more like my thigh. He squeezed. "We kinda started something there, huh? I think we should..." He drew his face close to mine, and kissed me lightly. "You know, finish."

All thoughts of Mallory and anything else in the world flew from my head. I focused on Trent, his tan body, his handsome face. I leaned forward and kissed him again, this time harder. Trent reacted instantly, pushing me down on the couch. His hand was still on my thigh. It quickly made it's way between my legs. I drew a deep breath, my mouth still on his, and he seemed to like that. "God, you're so sexy..." He moaned as his hand moved up to my waistband and slipped under my shorts.

The screen door slammed again.

I have never, ever seen somebody move so fast. A millisecond later I was still laying on the couch, flushed and turned on, but Trent was walking away from me. Kristy walked by and saw nothing. I sat up, feeling relieved, disappointed, and a little silly. What was I thinking? Right here in the living room for everyone to see. I don't do PDA. And what the hell kind of spell does this guy have on me? I'm not easy. He almost got as far as _anyone_ has ever gotten with me.

Shaking my head, I ran my fingers through my hair and shook it, trying to focus on Jerry.

Did that really just happen?


	19. Chapter 19

Nineteen.

_Kristy_

He hasn't spoken to me since.

I know what I did was wrong. Well, maybe not wrong. But it was sure as hell mean. I can't imagine what Alan must have thought when I walked out of that room. Was I rejecting him? Making fun of him? Changing my mind? Was _I _scared?

I only wish I knew.

There is one thing I do know. It's something I've been contemplating in the back of my head ever since I left the room last night. This is Alan Gray. He's never, ever been a serious guy. I've never known him to be shy or quiet, and that's exactly what he's being.

For some reason, I don't trust it. Alan has spent the past five years tormenting me, even when we went out together back in seventh grade. How, all of a sudden, do I have the power to tame this guy?

Since that moment last night, Alan telling me what he did, I've been feeling... well, old. I may be the same age as everyone around me, but I feel ten years older. Because I've had the experiences. I've gone through things that the majority of humans never have to encounter.

If I sleep with Alan I might screw him up.

I know things that he doesn't, like the fact that I'm going to Davis in the fall. I don't know what school he's going to, but the odds are it won't be in California. I care about Alan, because he's a friend, a childhood friend. I don't want to see him hurt. And it may sound a little full of myself, but I don't want to let him fall in love with me. I want him to be okay with life. I want all of my friends to. I've seen firsthand what it is to truly hit bottom, and I would never wish it upon anyone.

I know what it is like to be a teenager in love. I know what it's like to have your heart broken. I know what it's like to make a disaster out of your life over a stupid high school romance.

I am not ready for a relationship, because I am not ready to hurt him.

I keep telling myself all of this, over and over again. I thought of it in Dawn's room, where I broke down for the first time in nearly a year. I thought about it when I held Dawn in my arms, and I could see Claudia looking at me, silently wondering who I had become. I thought about it all night, watching Alan not meet my eyes, sit away from me, ignore me. Being so... childish. And that's really okay. I only wish I could still be like that, to sit about and purposely not look at someone just to make them mad. To pout. It's what being a kid is all about. I stopped being a kid when I was only fifteen years old.

So today I've been quiet. I want to talk to Dawn, but she seems to have amnesia when it comes to the events of last night. I want to talk to Alan, but he's been busy ignoring me, trying to hurt me the way I hurt him. Pete and Logan invited him to run into town with them but he'd glanced my way and said no. He wants me to see that he's pissed. Claudia's asleep, Stacey's hiding in the house, Mary Anne is in between shooting worried glances at her sister, pawing Trent, and arguing with Trent, and Mallory has turned into the Girl Who Doesn't Speak. I'm sitting on the beach with most of these people yet have nobody to talk to. I wonder how long this vacation is really going to last, because two weeks seems like an awfully long time to me.

We've been here for three days.

Sighing to myself, I shade my already Chanel-clad eyes from the sun and look up at it, guessing it's maybe four in the afternoon. I stand up silently and gather my beach gear - my towel, suntan lotion, and Derek Jeter book, not much - and head back to the house. Maybe I'll cook dinner. Or maybe I'll just go to my room and lock the door. I'd spent most of the night in Dawn's room last night, until all of that happened. Then I just stayed up. Alan had eventually gone back to our room to snooze. If I get to the room first and lock it then it's rightfully mine for the night.

Sounds good to me. I hurried into the house, down the hall, and into the room. I was in such a hurry that I didn't notice footsteps behind me on the wood floor. I barged into the room and went to slam the door without looking back. When I didn't here the door shut I spun around. Standing with his hand planted firmly on the door was Alan.

His face a mixture of sadness, frustration, and anger, he took a step across the threshold. "Can I at least get my stuff?"

Stuck where I was, I simply nodded. I had planned on throwing his things into his bag and setting it in the livingroom. Or maybe I had planned on sitting on the bed and waiting until he knocked on the door, begging to come in and talk to me. I don't know.

Alan slowly made his way across the room and grabbed his duffle bag. Then he slowly set it on the bed, and slowly pulled the zipper open. Everything was at a snails pace. He didn't look at me.

I sat on the bed next to the bag, but he did his best not to look at me. I sighed. Might as well get this over with. "Alan, I'm moving to California next month."

His eyes flashed bright and met my own for the first time in nearly twenty-four hours. "What does that have to do with anything?" he asked quietly.

"Everything. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to get hurt. I just want everyone to be happy..." I trailed off lamely.

Alan regarded me thoughtfully, his mouth set in a firm line. "That's not what it felt like last night." Almost a whisper.

"You... you just don't understand, Alan. Sex complicates things so much. I just don't know if I'm ready for everything being your first entails. And I _really _don't want to know what you must think of me."

Alan's mouth had curved down into a frown. I guess that's better than no emotion at all. "I don't care about the past." He said simply. "Don't put words in my mouth or thoughts in my head. You have no right to think for me."

I opened my mouth to protest. I was under attack.

"No, shut up. Listen to me, okay? I'm a virgin by choice, I felt like waiting for the right person. I understand that by today's standards that makes me a freak, but I'm not saying I want to wait for marriage, or wait for the girl I'm going to be with forever. I just want her to be special. And you know damn well how much I've liked you for what, the past ten years? Since we were _little_, Kristy, I always had a crush on you, grade school middle school whatever. You always blew me off or called me gross or dorky or whatever, and I decided that school being over might be my shot. And it _was_! It totally was. I knew after two days I wanted it to be you, Kris. This has nothing to do with anyone's past but ours."

I looked up at him, tears threatening the backs of my eyes. "But in the fall..."

"So we have the summer. What's wrong with that? Besides, who the hell are you to say we won't last through the fall? Ever heard of the telephone? Internet? Plane tickets? I'm going to Florida State. That's far away, too. You don't see me pushing people away, do you?"

"No." I replied, my head down. Guilt, sadness, and panic coursed through my body. There was something else, there, too. A warm sensation creeping up the back of my neck. Alan took my hands, and the warmth spread through me, straight to my heart. I smiled up at him, blinking back the tears again. Not tears or sadness or guilt or unknowing. This was something new. Something I had never known before. I looked into Alan's eyes and prayed that he was feeling the same thing, but I didn't dare say it. Not yet.

It sure did feel like he said it, though. That long speech... it sounded a lot like "I love you, I don't care."

I wonder if he does.

I wonder if I do.

"Alan..." I whispered. He leaned down and kissed me sweetly. "Alan, I'm so sorry..."

"I forgive you." He murmured with a grin. He manuvered himself to the top end of the bed, leaning against the pillows. He patted the spot beside him and I curled to his body. He kissed the top of my head, running a hand down my arm. We both stayed that way, simply staring at the wall. Affection. After a few minutes the sounds of the rest of the crowd returning filled the house. Dawn walked past our door yelling something to the kitchen about veggie burgers.

I groaned. "We'd better stop her."

Alan made a gagging noise that sounded like agreement, and we both slid off the bed. Leading the way, Alan sauntered to the door slowly. When He got to it he stopped, hand on the knob. He turned to me, a smile on his face. "You know what?"

"What's that?"

I heard a click, and looked down to see he had applied the lock. I looked back up at him in mock horror. "Come here," he was saying, grabbing my waist.

"Is this really how you pictured it? In the middle of the afternoon with ten people in the next room?" I asked him, half-serious but allowing myself to be dragged toward the bed.

Alan stopped at the edge and untied my bikini top. Just like that. No asking permission, no shyness. "This," he said, grinning as my top fell to the floor, "is perfect."

I looked down at myself, wanting to be horrified and embarrassed. Neither came to me. Instead that warmth simply spread through me, once again. "You've got a lot of nerve."

"Yeah." Alan put his hands on me, and I sucked in a breath. "This," He whispered, leaning down to me, "Is going to be, like, one of the top ten thirty second moments of your life. So don't be running away."

I laughed out loud as Alan took me in his arms and lowered me back to the bed. Forgetting the future, pushing away the past, I decided to live in the moment for once.

"You sure seem to know what you're doing," I told him skeptically as he pulled my bottoms off.

"Nah. I'm wingin' it. Plus I've seen a lot of porn."

"Been flogging it all these years, thinking of me?" I said with a grin and he came back up to my face. He planted a kiss on my lips. I marveled for another moment about how comfortable I felt. I promptly forgot that feeling and got lost in a haze of Alan, this boy who had never done this before. It was short but sweet, and when Alan collapsed onto me, nearly gasping for breath, I heard those words tumble from his lips. The ones I knew were coming. The ones I didn't dare say first.

I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his neck as I ran my fingers through his sweat-soaked hair. "I love you, too, Alan." I whispered. It was right.

We could have laid that way, limbs entangled, sweating, and catching our breath, forever. I would have preferred to. Unfortunately, at the same time, we heard footsteps thundering down the stairs, and then Mary Anne's voice, strained and shrill.

"_Mallory Pike, come back here! Don't you run away from me!"_

Alan and I both looked toward the door, waiting.

"_You broke up a year ago, you crazy bitch!"_

Mallory didn't sound violent or vindictive or even jealous. She just sounded mad.

And maybe a little scared.


	20. Chapter 20

Twenty.

_Dawn_

My head was absolutely pounding, when I decided to lie down for a few minutes. I'd spent the entire day pretending everything was okay, unwilling to let my friends worry about me. I just want to forget it happened. I don't even know what I did, not really. I know that I thought I had done too much, and I remember looking through the medicine cabinet in the bathroom down the hall, trying to find something, anything to calm me down.

I guess I took too much. Trent told me that John (and it is John, not Jay or Mike) had freaked out because I just fell on the bed, passed out, and he could not wake me up. All I know is the next thing _I_ remember is waking up in my room and it's light outside, Mary Anne's sacked out next to me. I woke her up for a groggy explanation, and she even apologized for what she had said to me the night before. We'd spent about an hour laying in bed talking. She told me about Trent, what she did, and she wasn't quite sure how she felt. Then I'd insisted on going out on the beach. All day long everyone asked if I was okay and I replied yes, fine, fine. Some of them, like Stacey, looked at me a little suspiciously.

Rightfully so.

Somewhere around ten in the morning, when Mary Anne had left me to get her bathing suit on, I had pulled out my stash and done two lines. Because my head screamed. Because I had to. Because I am an addict.

I had come in my room this time for the same reason, and after I'd done it decided to lie down, let my headache go away, wait for it to kick in. When I heard Mary Anne start yelling I was starting to feel it. When I heard Mallory answer, I bolted upright.

Things were coming to a head, it seemed.

I immediately tore out of my room and followed the sound of shouts and screams. In the livingroom I found the situation. Mary Anne, red faced and snarling, with Trent loosely holding her back from Mallory, who was backed up against the wall, wide-eyed but also snarling. Stacey stood between the two, shouting for them to calm down. Claudia simply watched, not looking too shocked.

"_Calm down_! Mary Anne, you have no right to-" Stacey was shouting.

"_You don't know what you're talking about!_" My sister shouted. "Why did you _lie,_ Mallory? Why didn't you tell anyone? Why all the secrets? I cannot believe he's..." Mary Anne spun around, her hand on her cheek. Her eyes met mine. She looked horrified. "Dawn, what if... what if..."

I know what she wanted to say. _What if he hurts her, too?_ She couldn't though, not out loud. She didn't want people to know. It was her deepest, darkest secret. I wanted to shout at her to just say it, tell everyone, because they think she's jealous, but I couldn't. I respect what my sister wants.

"I _lied_ because Logan knew you would be jealous. _I_ knew you would be, too." Mallory said haughtily. "Get over it, Mary Anne. The best won."

"Mal, I don't think you-" Stacey began.

"You keep your big mouth shut! I told you that in confidence! I'm never speaking to you again!"

Stacey didn't appear devastated. "Fine." She spat, taking a step back. "Let Mary Anne beat you to a pulp. Let Logan control your life. Keep saving your money, you never know when you'll need another abortion."

I heard a gasp from behind me. It's Kristy. I looked around the room in horror. Everyone stood still, staring at Mallory openmouthed.

Finally, Mary Anne moved. She turned away, toward me, toward the kitchen. She looked green. The rest of us remained, staring at Mallory. Waiting, I guess. Waiting for her to deny it. Not wanting it to be true.

Mallory stood strong. She looked confident. For the first time, I noticed her eyes looked blank. Uncaring. Vacant.

I wondered how long they had been that way.

I wondered if Mary Anne ever looked like that.

Slowly, Stacey walked away as well. Then Claudia. Mallory scoffed. "Yeah, go be friends with the loser."

That did it.

I lunged at Mallory. I felt a little bad for her, yeah, but something in my brain just snapped. I'm one hundred and ten percent positive the drugs contributed. Mal screamed as I landed on her, and I hooked her pretty good in the right eye. I could feel hands on me as I reached for her neck, and suddenly I felt myself fly, and looked around in a bit of a daze as the room sailed by. I landed on the couch with an "Ooof," a little dazed.

Alan and Trent were both looking at me, wide eyed, out of breath.

"You okay?" Alan asked, looking a little scared.

"Yeah..." I stood up, glaring at Mallory, who was now sitting on the floor with her head in her hands. I looked back at the guys. They both looked a little shaken. I realized with a start that they had_ both_ had to pull me off of her. "I'm... I'm sorry, guys." I said, a little scared of myself.

"You should lay off that shit, Dawn." Trent replied, trying to sound good-natured. He meant it.

Sighing, I shook my head and quickly walked to the kitchen, where Mary Anne sat at the table looking similar to Mallory, her head in her hands. She was surrounded by Kristy, Stacey and Claudia. I joined them, sliding into the second to last empty chair. Trent and Alan just stood back.

We were all quiet.

I looked around the table, at my friends. They all looked tired. Tired and... older. I looked at them all fondly, wondering if this might be the last time the five of us would ever be together. Because I no longer wanted to be in Sea City. I wanted to go home. I wanted to sit down with my mother, I wanted to cry in her arms, and I wanted to check myself into rehab. Because I have never in my life been a violent person. I had just attacked a sixteen-year-old, and it had taken two grown men to get me off of her.

Everyone at that table looked pretty weary. I had no doubt in my mind they were thinking similar thoughts.

It's time to go home. This is not working.

Then again, it's never really worked. We've always fought. We've always made up. We're all so different, and we always have been. It's amazing that we were ever friends in the first place. I smiled to myself, imagining what would have happened if Abby, Jessi, and Shannon were here, too. We'd probably all have killed each other by now. In the past, we've gotten through our differences. Things are different now. Our problems are not over haircuts and clothing styles.

We've grown up.

"We should call Mal's parent's." Our fearless leader spoke first, as always. As soon as she said it I heard small sniffles coming from the livingroom. I felt a little guilty, but perhaps I had knocked some sense into her.

Stacey nodded, wide-eyed. "If you guys only knew everything I did..." She shook her head. "That guy is sick. Just... sick. There's something wrong with him. Poor Mallory..." Stacey glanced toward the sound of sniffles. "She doesn't seem to have any idea. It's like he's brainwashed her."

Nothing, said Mary Anne.

"Maybe we should let that be her choice." Claudia responded. "If Mallory chooses to be with Logan..."

"She's choosing to be with a controlling, manipulative rapist. We have to call her parents." I replied vehemently.

"Rapist?" Claudia asked.

"Well, she is only sixteen," Stacey pointed out.

"That's not what she meant." Mary Anne said slowly. Carefully.

The quiet in the house, broken only by our low voices and Mallory's sniffles, was suddenly filled by a thumping bass line. The seven of us in the kitchen looked toward the window and watched as Pete Black's truck rolled to a stop.

Mary Anne stood up, looking around. I stood up with her.

"I should have just kept my mouth shut..." Trent said, looking both worried and a little excited. I glanced at Stacey, who immediately looked at the floor. Stacey had told Trent, Trent had told Mary Anne. But why had Stacey told trent?

Mary Anne continued to search for something, and then strode toward the door. On her way she casually picked up a tennis racket off of the counter.

"What _did_ you mean, Dawn?" Claudia spoke to me, but watched Mary Anne. I did, too. I heard two slams of car doors. Mary Anne tensed.

The front door opened, and I could hear Logan's slow, rumbling laugh. He cut short.

"Mal?" I heard him ask. "Hey? You okay?"

Mary Anne charged out of the room, tennis racket in hand.

As she ran, her voice carried back to us, exposing Logan for what he is.

She no longer cared who knew, I guess.


	21. Chapter 21

Twenty-One.

_Mary Anne_

For someone who's never been much of an athlete, I sure discovered I could swing a tennis racket.

Logan didn't know what hit him. Me running from the kitchen yelling that he raped me didn't seem to clue him in. I'd simply run into the livingroom, where I saw Logan stooped next to Mallory and Pete just looking wide eyed. I'd ambushed Logan and _thwack_! Right upside the head. Not with the nice part of the racket, either. I used the side of it.

Nobody, not even him, could have been more shocked than me. Not to say he wasn't shocked, but I just don't know what came over me. It was like a demon. Mary Anne Possessed. It felt fantastic.

He immediately grabbed the side of his head, cursing, and looked at his hand, which, while not drenched in blood as I would have preferred, had a fair amount on it. He looked up at me and started to stand up, eyes flashing with anger. Not looking at me like a girl. He was ready to fight. I took a step back, and he came toward me. I brought up the racket again. We were both yelling, but I don't know if it was comprehendible. I just know what I felt, and that was this high, lifted, light feeling. I was getting my revenge. I was getting him off of me.

I swung the racket backwards and hit him again, to hurt him because he had hurt me. I stepped back quickly because Logan seemed ready to lunge. He even raised his hand up. I think I told him to go ahead and try, called him a woman beater and rapist, getting the feeling I might be pissing him off more than causing him pain. That first shot had drawn blood, though. I swung the racket back for a third time but someone stopped me. I looked back angrily, and Trent was holding the top of it. "What are you _doing_?" I screeched, yanking on it.

Trent winked at me.

The night before came rushing back to me. I've never been the manipulative type, but I know that I set this up. I had exposed Logan and Trent to each other, hanging myself all over Trent, to get Logan mad, and to get Trent... ready, I guess?

I guess, in a way, I knew this was coming. Maybe I didn't plan this exact scenario, but I knew something was going to happen. Although I would have prefered just a good old-fashioned fight between Trent and Logan. I think. I don't know. This feels pretty good.

I stopped struggling with Trent, who came around me. Logan was still yelling, taking little steps closer and closer. Trent put his hand calmly on Logan's chest, stopping him from coming any further.

"Get your damn hands off of me!" Logan yelled, ripping Trent's hand away.

And Trent clocked him.

The sound off Trent's fist hitting Logan's face was sickening, but also satisfying. I watched with something of a sick pleasure as Logan's eyes rolled, and he began to fall backward. I looked at Trent's arm, tense and rippled with muscles. I'd never really noticed just how big of a guy he is before.

Logan fell against the wall and slumped over.

It was over with one punch.

Mallory looked up at me in horror. "What did he do to you?"

I held out my hand to her and she took it, standing up. Saying nothing, I walked away. I walked outside, to the porch, flopped down, and lit a cigarette.

Everybody but Pete, Mallory and Logan (still sleeping peacefully against the wall) followed. Everyone remained silent. Those applicable lit their own cigarettes. We all sat, looking out at the ocean. Not tense. Content. At peace.

Okay.

Taking a drag off of my cigarette, I watched the water grow darker. The sun's setting. A little chill bites the air, and I shiver. Trent tightens his arm around me.

The front door opens after a while, but I don't look over. Nobody does. Pete, Logan, and Mallory silently retreat to Pete's truck, climbing in and roaring away. Poor Mallory. She's stuck with that guy.

"We should call her parents." Kristy says again, not sounding quite so sure of herself. "They're going to want to know why she came home."

"Mal will make something up." Stacey replied, sounding listless. "She wants to stay with him."

"Maybe we should _all_ go home." Dawn added quietly.

Nobody answered her. Kristy and Alan simply stood and walked back into the house. Claudia's cell phone rang at the same time, and she answered, almost giddy. "Mom! Hi!" She cried into the mouthpiece, walking away from us for privacy. Dawn sighed and walked inside, as well. I tried not to think of what she was probably going to do.

Trent suddenly squeezed me a little harder. Then he leaned forward and put his free hand on Stacey's leg. She looked first at him, then me, in horror. I stared at Trent. "What are you-"

"Babe." He said, grinning. "You know, I've been thinking. You two are friends, and you both like me. I was just thinking maybe tonight the three of us could..." He raised his eyebrows.

I recoiled in horror, and Stacey jumped up, shrieking "_What?_"

"Well you've both been-"

"Get the hell out of here!" I cried, shoving him away from me. "You pervert! That's what you've been doing these past couple days? Go back to your house!"

"And _please_ do not come back." Stacey added haughtily.

Trent looked back and forth between us, then shrugged to himself. "Whatever." He muttered, walking quickly down the steps.

When he was out of earshot, Stacey and I looked at each other and laughed. "Of all the nerve!" She cried.

"I cannot believe I.." I trailed off, grinning. It felt good to feel this way. I don't regret sleeping with him. Not even after that.

"I know what you mean." Stacey replied, even though she didn't know what I was really talking about. I studied her face. Does she realize she's the only one of us who's still a virgin? I'm glad it's her. I hope she waits even longer. I want to tell her so, but that might mean explaining Trent.

I took another drag of my cigarette and wondered if maybe I would hook up with Trent again. He may be a pervert... well, he's a guy, let's face it. He's also fun. I'll have to think about it.

I sat back in my chair, watching the ocean grow black. I sighed, wondering if everything that had just happened would make me feel any better. I felt good now, but what about tomorrow?

Tomorrow is another day. Look at how much different my life was two weeks ago. Look at how different _any_ of our lives were. I grasped at the concept, of this reality, much bigger than myself, than any of us. Tomorrow I could be a completely different person. A year from now I could be married, have a kid, I could be dead. Or I could just be finishing up my freshman year at Brown, where I'm studying family law.

Or maybe psychology.

"Do you think we should leave?" Stacey asked. "Do you think it's that bad?"

I bit my lip. Probably, we should, because probably, it is. Responsible, reasonable adults would recognize that this situation is not one to be taken lightly. Maybe we're too irresponsible and young to be out here by ourselves, trying to handle life as it comes at us.

"I love it here." I told Stacey. "I think it'll be alright. I think we can handle it."

Even as I said it, I knew I might be lying. My sister still has a problem. We're still right next door to Trent, who is apparently a pervert. And why does Stacey know what I mean about him?

Things still are not quite stable.

I'm tired of being responsible all the time. I'm tired of working hard to make sure things are not on the brink of disaster.

I just want a little vacation before I grow up.

the end

* * *

**_a/n_**: waaaah! it's over. this makes me very sad. and satisfied. i have this full feeling. though it won't last long, since i have other stories i want to write... i suppose i should focus on the dawn story, since i'm, you know, in the middle of it. and yes, there will be a kristy story as well. the girl has too many damn secrets. i have lots of plans, these characters grew on me like a fuckin' fungus. i would like to thank everyone for the kind reviews, nobody told me i sucked even when i asked for it. so many of you inspired me :) you don't even know. and i'd like to give a personal shout-out to **onlylivingboy** - without your praise, friendship, and cake bribery i probably would have abandoned this story somewhere around chapter 15. (and i'm still waiting for my cake.)


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